The air bends across me, like a threatened demon,
or a caring mother. Forests of self-deceit spin their
own metallic webs; from their strings drop
speechless poison, on wings of animated revelations
of unknown areas.
Love is a strange visitor, coming unexpected through
mind's back-door, it lightens substances of a childless kingdom,
to catch lost sounds of ancient curiousity,
like an ingurgitated sponge, my forgotten mouth.
Author notes
Option #1: "write about love"
Nevel
Amaranthine Lover
A contest entry
- love. by luna-midnight.
1000 points, ended December 24, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best All-Around Prewrites From 2008 by amaranthine lover.
1400 points, ended January 9, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I think you could benefit from spacing some of the lines out because a lot of the ideas seem kinda all jumbled up right next to each other when this is such an awesome piece.
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Thanks, I appreciate your thoughts on it
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This so lovely
you have wrote such a thought provolking piece, I love your metaphors great Job! well done Erwin
Blessings
Rend
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Thank you Rend, for your thoughts about this poem
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I think this was a little too abstract for me, but many of the images were powerful in portraying some emotion - it also told a good story.
I think the imagery could've been better worded.
Thanks for the entry. -
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Thanks for your thoughts on it.
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(Couple of typos.. Did you mean threatened or theatred? (curiosity). Other than that, strong stuff. Personally I would have left out "the" in the 1st and written "of" a little less. I absolutely love "my forgotten mouth"!!-- That's perfect. And "a childless kingdom". . The whole stanza is damn brilliant. I love it all....
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aw, thank for your input. Its a typo...must be "threatened" I have to think about your other thoughts, but I apprechiate your reflections about it
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Great imagery. I love it. Good luck in the lovely Stephanie's contest Keep it flowing.
Much love
Ylova
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i really like this.
good job.
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wow bro this is really good
i love you
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thank you my dear sis, glad you like it. I love you too
sssssssss
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Outstanding
This is amazing. You write a poem full of rich metaphors that are both unexpected and intriguing. This is exactly what I look for in good poetry. Best of luck in the contest.
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thank you for your kind words
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This is one hell of a write - your last stanza is breathtaking - best of luck in Steph's contest
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awww, thank you!
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aw wow, amazing metaphors, sooo lovely
i really enjoyedthis, thanks for entering, and good luck
Stephanie ♥ -
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Thank you, there was I hoping for
Erwin
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