Whistles in the dark
Don't seem too far off
Whistles screaming in a desperate plea for help
Barely can be heard over the wave of anxious chatter
Night sky lit by flames in the streets
Glass shattering in all directions
People running as animals throughout the way
Rifles firing at no mercy
Shouts of chaos as one after another fall
Lifeless
Covering the ground in a crimson red
No regards
For life as it once was
This is our new world
We all knew it would happen
It was just a matter of time
Authority has lost all control
Complete and total anarchy
There's no way of stopping it now
A child is crying
His parents nowhere to be seen
Not a soul gives pity upon him
He must fend for himself
Screams of insanity
As the town hall goes up in flames
We must now fight
The struggle to survive
No one to watch your back
No safe house to turn to
I sleep with one eye open
A gun in my hand
Everything and everyone i once knew
Is no longer true
I see familiar faces
But know no one
Survive
Can it be done?
Is it even worth the battle?
Where will I be when it is all over?
God has shut his gates
There will be no more entry
I have no choice
The flames are getting higher
Hell can be no worse
Satan has won this fight
To him we have given flight..
Author notes
opt 2
In a list
A contest entry
- Dancing In The Halls of Insanity.... by RareFlower.
625 points, ended December 11, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the DARKWRITE challenge rides again by Ktulu Blackwolfe.
600 points, ended December 20, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me anything! by ASmileForYou.
560 points, ended December 16, 2008, 138 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Suicide Silences by xXCadyBabbiXx.
400 points, ended December 13, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Swift and Painful. by miss keara.
750 points, ended December 21, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I don't know what to think anymore. by ninja girl 418.
850 points, ended December 30, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want You to .:.Scare.:. Me!! by DecorusApparatus.
550 points, ended January 5, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The less fortunate by Lanasaur.
545 points, ended January 31, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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5/10
5/10 -
goodgood
i dont think i'm looking for this but i love the poem.
best of luck
xx;lana
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This was touching and sad. I felt the pain of the young one who lost his parents. But I am wondering if this was written about a war, a fire or something else. It was nicely pened
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I Found It Confusing
It was a good write, but it threw me off a little.
It seemed to be a few different pieces combined into one, which works in its own way.
I enjoyed it either way.
Thanks for entering my contest!
♥
:Keara
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what a sad poem. i do hope the child finds his parents
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From critical reviewers two
An interesting write indeed. It kept me curious and ongoing through it all. In my opinion I think the end about hell and satan makes the poem end weakly. Don't know why, but it just did. -
OH jesus.
I meant that to go to some other girl XD
didnt know it was you Jake, but very nice write.
This is one of my favorites. -
Hey-very nice write.
as much as I like your writing, please dont enter anymore.
Leave some space for other people XD -
Wow.... This is so strong and dark. It is amazing. Keep up the great work!
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This is sounding like what happened recently in Mumbai. I don't know what else to say of this.
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Nicely done, quite a broad spectrum write, could refer to many things in the world today. A compelling read. Thanks for entering and good luck
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Excellent
Wow, quite the write, indeed, with very vivid imagery. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done. This poem also reminds me of one of my own, called "Blues of Night":
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4301709 -
Outstanding
You paint a dark picture but one that many people will be able to relate to. I liked the flame imagery and the way you linked this to Satan and hell- that he has control of the world. Sometimes it can seem this way. For me this poem was very vivid. You have a strong imagination. Best of luck in the contest.
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The imagery is amazing, and you give a good sense of the anxiety in the subject's heart.
I do think it could be just a bit simpler.
Meaning, I think it could be just a bit shorter.
I like the beginning (ending at "lifeless"), and I like the end (beginning at the line when the subject is first introduced "I sleep with one eye open).
There's a bit in the middle there, though, which in my opinion, while it's very well written it doesn't really ADD anything to the poem. It just makes it longer.
Well done, very sobering.
-Nadya
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Very graphic and full of imagery.
It leaves me with a feeling of guilt on behalf of humanity. It is no wonder that God has shut his gates. I like your poem and I like the way you end with lines which rhyme, giving a conclusion and leaving food for thought.
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This poem is a real vivid of how life is now. no one cares there are so man souls lost in the world. In drugs and many more evil things. but we can do the differents by chosing the right path. Help others and do what we can to make this world better. We will be with the lord someday. He will cleanse our pain away with hes love and peace.
God bless
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Very descriptive
very accurate of the total insanity of today. we live in an insane world. thoughtfully written with alot of emotion. You took the prompt and turned it into something relevant for today. shows us How survival will make us act, even showing no mercy to those people who need it the most like the child.
Well thought out and constant, great job and goodluck in the contest
RF
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