L ove was a slipstream
like the stinging prairie winds
that race across great plains
with no harvest in sight-
or a slumbering river's song
bowing like a juniper
with listening ears
pressed to dampened earth.
L ove was a flowing dress
desperately clinging to your bosom
and falling like ivory keys
on a grand piano floor-
silken touches and ebony hair
caressing rose-blushed skin
beneath sheets of virtue
in a raging torrent.
L ove was a sharpened blade
held in white-knuckled fists
to be planted deep within my heart
like a springtime seedling-
and there it shall remain.
Author notes
I chose Option 1.
Artist Credit: http://liquitine.deviantart.com/art/Solitude-26947474
A contest entry
- Options, options and yes, some more options! =) by chilali.
900 points, ended December 11, 2008, 32 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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I like the fact you italicised (i dont think thats a real word but i hope you know what i mean) the last line. I thought it gave it bit more impact as it followed a stunning stanaza. Well worth a gold trophy i believe. Great work, really well written and with a very nice picture also.
Laura. -
So well done here, the last verse was just a knockout blow.
Worthy of the gold, and more
All the best to you
Ken
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So wonderfully sensual, it calls to all the senses to come and celebrate all you have discovered and share with your words. It leads and entices us to seek the ending where we find ourselves enchanted by the singular act of a man ready to commit to love. Bravo!!
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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worthy..
of the gold..a great write my friend, congrats!
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Thank you all for your kind words and thoughtful comments!
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WOW
WOWOW! One of my favs and soooo well penned.
Fav part : silken touches and ebony hair
caressing rose-blushed skin
beneath sheets of virtue
in a raging torrent.
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One more thing....
One thing i like to add: It's not often that one would read a poem that "grows" on the reader. This is one of those, it leaves me with a felling of awe and contentment. Something to think over and store for later enjoyment! -
BRILLIANT, BRILLIANCE!
I like this poem alot, especially the way you emphesize emotion into every idea set out in every verse. Also the last idea, where it climax into a deliberate action, where emotion is compared to a sharpened blade (wonderful concept!) to be mortally inserted deep into the origin, the pulsating personification of life, with devastating(?) effect.....
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the imagery in this in fantastic. very well written and also very original. amazing job!
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Oh this is so lovely. Eloquence is captivated here amongst the exquisite imagery. “Love was a sharpened blade held in white-knuckled fists
to be planted deep within my heart
like a springtime seedling-” Beautiful descriptive and stirring. Great piece. -T
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Yes, so very beautiful and evocative; unusual word pairings stir the senses. Glad to see it was a gold trophy winner!
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love is really a virtue to drive away all vices .....well expressed with beautiful expressions...congrats on the much deserving trophy
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Incredible!!!!!!!
Oh my good God! It's NO wonder this poem took first place. Gold standard material indeed.
There are very few pieces which make me immediately want to re-read, this piece was one of those rare exceptions. Subtly descriptive, it's hardened core clothed in soft, cool silkiness.
Leaves this reader breathless, and lands on her list of favorites.
Well done dear one! Well done.
Sincerely,
~
~ Janet ~ ~
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Wow, your words were so beautiful! I really enjoyed the style of writing here as well. You created a nice vision with your words, they were so descriptive, Lovely! I can see why is won Gold in that contest.
Crazy-Love♥
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Beautiful! Flows nicely and I love your melodious wording! Pam
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wow.. that made my night : )
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This is a splendid poem.
Well-expressed with a nice flow, imagery and metaphors.
Congrats on the Gold.
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This one too
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wonderful metaphor for love, i especially like how you extended it within the first two stanzas, wonderful imagery in the bowing junipers with the personification as well with them listening...much enjoyed this. sad though, how love can certainly be planted but not allowed to grow...ah, those sheets of virtue.
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Such exquisite portrayal of the beauty of love and the agony of its betrayal.
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This was just absolutely remarkable. I loved everything about this poem. First of all, it was a great take on the picture. Secondly, the imagery, the words, the description and the flow were all out of this world. This poem made me heart melt inside. I love it. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
Much love
Ylova
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i got the most fantastic images out of this piece. imagery is my favorite. it flowed together so well, not even a bit choppy.
wonderful work
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amazing
What a beautiful poem! And perfect picture to go along.I loved it! You're a great poet with amazing vocabulary. Thank you for your kind words on my story! -
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. I appreciate them.
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opps. sorry I forgot these.
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This was a beautifully crafted poem, something that teased the readers mind with a certain softness.. It read wonderfully, thank you very much for sharing.. Best of luck in the contest.
Angel
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This is definately my favourite piece by you. It's so intensely gorgeous and sensory.
"Love was a flowing dress
desperately clinging to your bosom
and falling like ivory keys
on a grand piano floor-"
Beautiful, the imagery just fills my mind to the extent that few other poems manage to do.
Thank you for the inspiration, fantastic write.
Best of luck in the contest, though I doubt you'll need it... If I was judging this contest, you wouldn't need it though, you'd be the hands-down winner in a heartbeat.
Ashley A. Wolfe
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Such an incredible write. Beautiful imagery. Incredible flow. Best of luck in the contest.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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Nice work on this Joseph. I liked the description presented in this latest work. Just brilliant! Good luck to you in the contest!!
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WOAH.
Now this is a stunner *claps frantically* What beautiful imagery Joseph! I stand in awe and I am completely blown away by your choice of words and the imagery you painted. The metaphors were beyond amazing. This will win a trophy for sure. Mark my words
Good luck.
Love
Alyzeh
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I love the art paired with the poem.
My favorite lines are:
Love was a flowing dress
desperately clinging to your bosom
and falling like ivory keys
on a grand piano floor-
The image of ivory and piano keys...I pictured them clinging to her bosom, one my one, she drops them like loose teeth, each one making a crashing sound. -
Great close my friend. The first three stanzas are lovely depictions, the final though, is the reality that stays, it seems.
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Beautiful piece, I loved it all the way through.
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Brilliant !!
Wonderful imagery, a very beautiful poem indeed.
Just love it.
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