The force of the thunder rings in my head,
Racing, echoing on rushing thoughts.
I’ve mapped the pain from my fingertips,
Still trembling for what I’ll be condemned.
I know you’re there, I hear your breathing
But I won’t look up, lest the lightning hits
And I’m coerced into focus once again.
Devotion’s key may be for the devout
But under the laws I cannot seek refuge.
I want to stand up and look into your eyes
And I’ll leave these rosary beads behind.
Author notes
For the contest:
To me, rosary beads represent the constraints and boundaries of things I can't have, like a relationship with someone I have a crush on. I guess I took this in more of a general view for the contest, of writing about what I would do if I had the courage to actually talk to the guy rather than just sit there. That's my take on it.
A contest entry
- Shh - Don't tell anyone by Suzanne Dia.
3500 points, ended January 5, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Is there anything specific to improve on? Suggestions for a better title?
Comments
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I adore the title, the poem is so...intense I guess, and very powerful. An awesome read, I have reread it a few times now, and I just love it. =}
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an amazing poem
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Intense indeed.
And also very impactful the tiltle is quite fine to me.
You've done extremly well with this.
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I like this poem - it is intense and powerful the only suggestion for improvement that I have is that I don't really think that "wanna" fits with the feel of the poem - maybe "want to" instead? Other than that this poem intrigued me and I enjoyed it very much
♦ M
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