~
Perception is key
carved by character
unique in every edge
and truth is treasure,
boxed, waiting to be
unlocked.
True love, they say,
is legend
leading to lost ambitions
extinguished by fears
and superstitions;
but beyond symbols
and mixed signals,
a scale of hope
measures distance
from puckered lips
to V-trails,
so heart starts
breaking apart
like a subtle bomb
of time, eroding,
exploding epiphanies
of X-factor facades
and empty containers.
Already faltered,
we fall with sand
and land on piles of blame
in the hourglass
of our own skin
until one day
maps are discarded
as doubts are disregarded
and gemstones gleam
in genuine eyes
sending beams of light
between blinks
and moments
and when freeze frames
solidify
we know why;
the gold is so bright
you can feel it
glimmering and beating
beneath
his chest.
~
Author notes
Reworded rule: [required by contest]
-Circumstance may require more than one person being eliminated.
I, ____his chardonnay [Tyler]____ agree that I have read these terms of use and will hereby abide by the law.
This poem defines me at this point in my life; where I am at. I hope you like it.
I might add a recording.
If I did anything wrong, let me know. lol
PS. This isn't really a "prewrite". I just posted it 12/05/08.
I'm just dumb and forgot to post it through the actual contest. 
In a list
A contest entry
- UNPLANNED: as unexpected as you [preliminary round] by Never Fall in Love.
400 points, ended December 22, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1014 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Yes, I agree with the other comments. Unique and beautiful imagery, which is so refreshing when love is the subject. Flow, word choice, subtle assonance and alliteration, no poetic devices overplayed, emotion expressed without overpowering. Very well done!
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Bloody heck; for my tired eyes, this made for hard reading - because it was so [good] that I wanted to read it, yet for some reason, the structure was hard going - can't quite explain it
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however, you did a wonderful job with it; having the sentences be so short and to the point, with a cutting edge description worked wonders, and kept me riveted until the very end!
Couldn't begin to imagine how you wrote this, or, even pick a favourite part - just rushed headlong into reading it, and enjoyed the process - thanks for entering!
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I know you are busy with the contest, but as for the structure comment, could you elaborate?
*hopes that didn't come across negatively*
But yeah, thanks!
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The emotions so strongly unfold themselves in wonderful layers, yet get straight to the point. You pull out the stops, yet fuse your write with intense and unique metaphor. One cannot help but want to fall in love, with someone so special.
Best of luck in the contests, though with this stellar talent, I doubt you truly need it.
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"and truth is treasure,
boxed, waiting to be
unlocked."
"as doubts are disregarded
and gemstones gleam
in genuine eyes"
This is exquisite,
such powerful mouth watering imagery.
Another golden write!
Sophie,
x
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yes.
great imagery as always. As opposed to cassie, I think the title is amazing. Though the repetition can take away from it so maybe editing the end would help.
You're in, congrats x.
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/UNPLANNED%20as%20unexpected%20as%20you
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Thanks, I'm glad you liked the title.
I wrote the poem before titling it, so if anything is changed, it would be the title. I don't see why the ending would need to be changed when it works as it is, and gets the intended message across exactly the way I wanted it to be conveyed. Also, I thought the title emphasized the main metaphor, which is why I titled it as I did; but I respect your opinion on the ending, even if I don't agree. Again, thanks.
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Yes
Your imagery, phrasing and metaphor was really strong. And the personal emotion took over the poem. Well done, Tyler.
"and truth is treasure,
boxed, and waiting to be
unlocked." - I don't think you needed that second "and" it took away from the flow.
Please wait for Chandni.
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Thanks. I agree with you on the second "and" -- i took it out. I was feeling iffy about it anyway.
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Don't be insecure. You rocked this poem.
'Perception is key
carved by character
unique in every edge'
I love how all the imagery related to the key in the first line.
'and truth is treasure,
boxed, and waiting to be
unlocked.'
Ditto, and also refers back to the first stanza. (You tie things together well.
)
'maps are discarded
as doubts are disregarded'
I love how you used ending words that sound alike.
'and gemstones gleam
in genuine eyes'
<3
And I triple <3 the last five lines.
Only complaint about this poem: I hate your title. Sorry. I think it's too repetitive from the last few lines. Maybe you could just simply keep it as 'Treasure' or maybe 'Heart of Gold' or 'Digging Up a Heart of Gold'. Something that has to do with treasure and gold.
~Cassie
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Thanks Cassie.
I think I'm going to keep my title, but thanks for the suggestions, i appreciate them.
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No problem; if you want me to read anything else, let me know.
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