In the milky moon he owns the night
dancing in pure, ecstatic delight
his pearly fangs gleam from last night's kill
we kissed in the dark as the world stood still
Licking my throat, he tastes my fear
I'm shivering now, his teeth so near
When the fever comes he's beyond control
It's a time when madness takes its toll
Growling, famished, craving my vein
He longs to rip it open, drug me with pain
Intoxicated, high, I submit to his kisses
Soft and gentle, like midnight wishes
Our romance has survived its darkest hour
My heart blooming, a crimson flower
All I see is him: my star-spangled prince
He takes my hand, precious as a falling star
Whispering soothingly, he says "let's go far..."
"...away from this place, just you and me..."
"...I will make love to you all night, give you the key..."
"...to my frozen, aching, twisted heart."
But the darkness is lifting, the sun shining through
Gold light baths the jeweled morning dew
He claims my mouth again, his black hair aglow
Skin so soft its like velvet snow
Shivering in his arms, I watch him in wonder
Eyes so blue, heart pounding thunder
With an airy whisper he's gone from sight
Lost and beautiful in the cold sunlight.
Author notes
My first vampire poem 
please don't be cruel with your comments! You can offer me constructive criticism, but try not to be too harsh since this was my first stab at a new style.
A contest entry
- Romancing the 'Vampire lover'. by Dark Otter.
700 points, ended December 12, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
amazing
this is the exact type of vamp guy id go for...lol.
we kissed in the dark as the world stood still
Licking my throat, he tastes my fear
I'm shivering now, his teeth so near
luv that part 4 some reason, very seductive. -
wonderfully written love the part....He takes my hand, precious as a falling star
Whispering soothingly, he says "let's go far..."
"...away from this place, just you and me..."
"...I will make love to you all night ...very interesting piece
-
For a first try this is excellent...hell for a tenth try this is excellent. I love how you make this very seductive and descriptive, you leave out a lot of the cliche-ness that a lot of dark vampire poems tend to have. All in all a very good and descriptive write, keep 'em coming.
-Garrett
-
OMG
I loved this. I was beautiful. Twilight was the first thing that came to mind when i read this, and i'm sure you've gotten that alot. But the imagry was so real, i love how descriptive you were and the word choice was awesome!!!! wooooow i loved this! Thanks for sharing and congrats on the honorable Mention! Well deserved.
-B -
-
thank you for the kind words, hun.
-
-
I like the romatic touch in this Vampire poem
Shades of the movie "Twilight"
Wonderful word choice and great imagery
Congrads on the HM
Very well deserved
Take care
Many blessings
David
-
Something I like here!
Your 'romantic vampire' is my kind of guy!
-
That was beautifully written. I just loved it!
"Our romance has survived its darkest hour
My heart blooming, a crimson flower" Is my favorite part!
-
-
Thanks for the lovely comment! I'm so glad you enjoyed it
-
-
Oooohhh very nice. I loved the entire piece it was beautifully written and flowed very well.
Growling, famished, craving my vein
He longs to rip it open, drug me with pain
Intoxicated, high, I submit to his kisses
For some reason i loved this part the most for the simple fact that she wasn't afraid, she WANTED to submit to him. Excellent work!
-
Oh put a 'stake' in it...
it's fun!! l.o.l. get it? put fork in it with a twist? l.o.l. i kill me! haha.. no, seriously..This is pretty darn good lady! although i don't know much about what is supposed to consist of a 'good vampire story' i do know a good story is one where the reader's imagination is 'captured..and here you've been successful, at least with this reader!
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
