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Coals burn steady at the heart (Octelle)

Flames lick eagerly at the trees,
Hot embers drifting with the breeze.
Coals burn steady at the heart,
I see them crack, fall apart.
Once or twice I touched the glow.
This is what I did not know;
Flames lick eagerly at the trees,
Hot embers drifting with the breeze.


Author notes

So the personification is limited,
I'm going with "flames lick" because, quite naturally,
fires don't have tongues...

It's a stretch but I say it's valid.

A contest entry

Any ideas to help me better this?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Little Eagle Greeters member
    December 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Thank you for your entry

    There may not be a lot of the use of personification but the imagery is there and I can almost feel the heat of the fire as I read it.

    Excellent job on the form. They syllable count and rhyme scheme were well done.

    I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.

    God Bless
    Tammy

  • ea silver member
    December 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    sounds like a forest fire of love.

    I don't know this form, thanks for bringing this to my attention.

    • the chase
      December 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      haha, yeah something like that.
      I didn't know this form either until I saw the contest, haha. I usually don't try to rhyme and count syllables.