You'll see me in the window and you'll kick me out the door
We'll have a fight and I'll call you a broken down whore
The tears will come and go with passions weary
Only then will you know yourself deep down
I'll walk out with my head held high false pride running through my veins
I know deep inside I didn't want to do it and I only regret it forever
As soon as I'm out the door I run home to despair and anger
Beating myself up for the false transgressions
I see myself in both worlds alone and forgotten by you
I'll walk in the light to find your shadow as that is all that is left
Shadows that dance around my head abound with merciless laughter
Mocking me in my silence and condemning me to failure
Like a Knight in shining armor that finally failed against his dragon
My demons torment me in darkness and haunt me in the light
I'll wait around on the edges of society to hear news of you
Alone and needy as a leper cast out and left to die
I wither without your voice and yet still crumble in your presence
A contest entry
- Breakups... by kay772.
400 points, ended November 9, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - make me cry, make me feel alive. by savemysoul.
1400 points, ended November 20, 131 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What images popped up in your head as you were reading?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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this gave me an easy picture, good job. thanks for entering adn good luck.
-- jordan. -
I imagined what you were saying completly. I could see two people in a fight. very imaginative.
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Bravo! This is a beautiful piece. Its filled with emotion especially the last line.
'I wither without your voice and yet still crumble in your presence.'
Again, its beautiful and still tragic. It brings back past memories when I read this and I feel almost as if its happening to me all over again. You are a very powerful writer. Keep it up. =D
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holy crap. thiss is wikid good. i get few images from this but when i do get them they are very clear and well detailed. very good!!!
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I agree, it sounds like a broken relationship. It's filled with anger, and pain. A nice ending line as well. Good job and thanks for sharing.
MxA
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I see a relationship withering or that has already come to a tragic ending. It sounds as though this person wants to be in the relationship, but in it is not happy. When he/she is alone they need it.
I like your poem because it is heartfelt and I can relate to it from past experiences.
I really like the beginning and ending lines because of their rythm.
Mistyrose-
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Wow
This was amazing because it reminded me of this therapist that became obsessed with me and I tried to fire him and it was totally INSANE. Thank you so much for sharing this! Kisses, Kitty
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Ooh...the last line is magical! I really liked the first line, too, and was disappointed that you didn't continue on in that same rhythm and rhyme, especially since the first two lines were rhyming. Lines 5 and 6 are really good--raw emotion, and easy to relate to. Keep up the good work.
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Awesome!
wow i love it it's great the first two lines are the best
sound like they'd be great lyrics for a song... maybe red jumpsuit apparatus can sing it
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In this piece I see someone who is very desperately trying to hold onto something that is either gone completely or is no longer obtainable.
The sense of self-rejection stings to the core... as the depth of sorrow that is felt in this pece is all too personal.
"I wither without your voice and yet still crumble in your presence"
These words almost stabbed me in the chest as it brought back some very sharp memories about my son's mother... dammit... you almost made me cry! LOL
Fantastic write, Keep it up!
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The image that is left in my head after reading this one is of a bad relationship that you can't live without. That I think way too many of us readers can relate to which is sad in a way. Although it is a wonderful piece of work you have here
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"I wither without your voice and yet still crumble in your presence" This was a beautiful last line, one that I think illustrates how people can't live with some people and can't live without them. It's a double edged sword and no matter what you do, you won't be completely happy. Such is life and such is compromise. I really like that this poem tells about what it's like to be in that kind of relationship, where people keep making mistakes, but keep wanting to continue the relationship no matter what. Your word choice was great, as was your use of metaphor. Good job!
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Excellent. What else can you say?
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