Little feet scuttle on hard wood,
Silent; standing in corner as
Back slides down wall
Using teddy bear as comfort.
Malibu barbie sits motionless,
Scooby is hiding in closet
Where she should be.
Children don't belong.
Floor vibrates tauntingly,
Tears form as voice bellows.
Hair is pulled and
Floor burn forms.
Teddy bear cannot
Help her now.
Author notes
I wrote this more for me than anything else. Let me know what you think.
A contest entry
- Your most personal & meaningful poem from ( 2008 ) by justgot2loveme.
1500 points, ended December 11, 2008, 52 entries
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Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I feel your pain through these words.
You've done a good job contrasting between the child's toys and the last two stanzas.
I found the word 'back' wasn't very well signposted and it was a little confusing for a moment where I wasn't sure which 'back' you meant. Maybe it could have been worded differently.
Thanks for entering!
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So sad and poignant. The imagery and feelings of hopeless terror a well portrayed. Thank you for your entry.
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good job and good luck
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I am not sue what kind of abuse this is written about. But it sure is very sad. I hope it isn't what I am thinking it is, because that would really make me sick. Not you poem, I think it is very well written. I meant more of the subject it is written about.
Thanks for sharing and good luck.
Justgot2loveme
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this discribes somthing abusive but im not sure what, my mind goes wiith sexual abuse but perhaps you are leaving it to the readers imagination, it paints a vivd picture.
the way in which you have used the toys in this peice really is clever and due to the darkness of this write, the use of the toys makes it even more
dark and abusive, very well done!!
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This is an interesting piece. I'm not sure what you are describing, but I still get an eerie feeling reading it. A dark cloud has descended over my head.
It's not very pleasant because there's nothing more depressing than a lone teddy bear sitting in an empty room and a barbie doll forgotten in the closet (well, maybe not that). That's a good thing though! It conveys what you were probably going for! good job
sincerely,
modernxtimes
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The personification with the toys ("teddy bear cannot help her now") pulls the reader to a different perspective of the scene, leaving the haunting image of the lone teddy bear left in the room. Your images are bracingly honest, well crafted with no excesses of words
best wishes
tala
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Sounds like you are trying to work out a bad childhood...maybe? It is free verse. 14 lines as a sonnet. Leaves the reader guessing though.
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