slowly
sludge deserts lilies
leaving tainted silky pink
dots of dewdrops cleanse
any lingering impurities
December rain
frosting petals clean
A contest entry
- I'm not sure. by etoile.
700 points, ended December 12, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is really good.
It's got a lot of lovely imagery in a small package.
'dots of dewdrops cleanse
any lingering impurities'
great job. very nice.
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absolutely beautiful ♥
la la love these lines ♥
'sludge deserts lilies
leaving tainted silky pink'
'December rain
frosting petals clean'
i`m a sucker for pretty words, hehe ♥
lovely ♥
loves for youz! ♥♥♥
xoxo -- lea`marie ♥
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i love this a lot, but in this contest i was looking for something a bit longer. but even with this short poem you stunned me. the imagery was beautiful, and this was written perfectly.
thanks for entering and goodluck
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Yes
I think, from reading your other pieces, you show poetential; but I think you need to work on your poetic tone... your phrasing and your wording also. -
yes.
I saw the prose peice you had earlier and it's clear you have potential. Only thing you need to focus on is your flow - you need transition and the flow of words ... mostly in full sentences and not just phrases peiced together. -
It's cute and short...something I've never mastered. ^^ It makes me think of Central Park in Winter
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All the words just... match each other... weird. O.o Lovely!
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sludge deserts lilies
leaving tainted silky pink
This is beautiful.
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Oh my, this is gorrrrrgeous!
It's so perfect and beautiful. All of the words are so delicate and sweet and oh!
Geeze, I loved it.
I loved the title too. It was just amazing.
Fantastic job. <3 -
Pretty good descritive writing going on here.You have a talant for putting just the right words down to make the person picture what you are talking about.Good luck in the contest.Glad that I got the chance to read this.
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