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Saving Sin City

Annie's a beauty,
but definitely no fool ~
she made a good living
from playing
high-roller lovers in Sin City.

 

Sexually abused, misused,
she turned childhood pain
into control;
a used woman became the user,
taking advantage of weakness
in "powerful" men.

 

Years began wearing
on a young woman's soul;
faceless men, countless money
no longer filled deep emptiness.

 

Tired, begotten,
an elite in a city's forgotten,
Annie turned to one last Man ~
He helped save her life,
now she lives to save Sin City.

 

 

Author notes

POD
Theme: An ex-hooker's return to Vegas, helping save others from their destructive lifetstyles.
Inspired, in part, by Annie Lobert, http://profile.myspace.com/annielobert ~ an "ex-hooker, now a hooker for Jesus"

In a list

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 24 of 24
  • intelekshual
    December 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A bit melodramatic, which a wise professor once told me was "the foundation of cliche," but it flows nicely and I found certain parts to be more emotive than others. I especially liked the rhyme at the end with "begotten" and "forgotten"--those two words go well together in the context of this poem.


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    December 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    GREAT IDEA FOR A POEM IT IS VERRY EMOTIVE, I ENJOYED THE READ, TAKE CARE


  • Shya
    December 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is moving... beautiful. This story is incredible one of suffering, survival and renewed hope... you did a good job expressing this. Shya


  • Soft-Rain
    December 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I want you to take a bow, for writing what God told you to write. You were true to yourself, maybe this wasn't unual or fancy...but if you are a vessel of Gods then you will be used.
    I know why you wrote and if it helps someone then it was a honorable write.
    Sometimes simple minds like mine need simpleness to understand.
    This woman you wrote about is typical but she has a amazing testomy that should be shared with the world.
    Congrats on your HM!
    From the queen of HM's

    love,
    ~Lisa~


  • horus8 gold member
    December 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ah, I've only read this one million times before, just written better .


  • HopeForUnity
    December 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    we all have to turn our souls over to God at some point.
    very well done and gratz on the HM


  • The Otep
    December 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love this! The imagery is awesome and I enjoye this poetic ride! ~Claps for Tim~


  • ladyhelenaofsorrows
    December 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nicely written! this sort of topic is overused in my opinion, but well done.


  • trista gold member
    December 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Youch! Dang...this got hit pretty hard in the POD, I see. Personally I thought this was good...not great, but definitely good. With so many abuse and abuse related writes out there, I think this would be an especially hard theme to write with a fresh outlook...and I can't say I've read much, if any, poetry that focuses on how an ex-hooker can not only get out of that lifestyle, but go on to help others. Gosh, that sounds a lot like movie material.

    Only one thing didn't sit quite right with me, and that was the phrase "countless money". I'm not sure how to reword that...even "big money" seems like it would a better grammatical choice?...but as always, just MO.

    Well...if Tim really has been kidnapped, I'd say his fill-in isn't a half bad poet either. Nice work, and one of my favorites in this PO. I hope you're gearing up for the POY...I look forward to seeing you there!


    ~J.


  • echo-ink
    December 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful and you brought out the life a a used and abused woman in a wonderful way.

    the HM was very well deserved,
    I loved this.


  • Hostage
    December 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this


  • broken-colours
    December 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an excellent poem! People can make wrong turns in their lives that take them far away from the truth, but they're never too far to be saved. Very nice and cleverly written.

  • michaeline
    December 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I see why you were the honorable winner.This is written with alot of heart and soul.Sad ut in the end a inspirational message.One can make a differance.Well expressed.


  • lovesky
    December 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very brave and True write! You have done a great job with this topic. Great write !


  • jmk8602
    December 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    great title


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    December 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like how you have tried something completely different! I think the story behind this and the emotions expressed are done very well.
    Gaylene


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    December 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very well written piece
    This was great
    Sounds like the beginning of a story or something


  • Confusedboy
    December 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I wish you well, for I have spoke to many there, its the money they want either for self or pimp.decision they have to make. I have given money, talk, talk and talk. I got one family out of Vegas, they do want to be off the streets, It cost some money, but they are off the street,Been out vegas and streets close to 2 years, They did it, so anyone can do it.. No place to raise children.


  • Desire gold member
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow~

    I have to check out her profile, very Inspiring!!
    Love how You presented this for I did not want it to end
    Bravo!!
    Powerful story based on a real event~
    even more Inspiring~
    Keep that quill dancing my Friend
    Congratulations on Your HM!!
    Wooooooo Hoooooooo!!
    (throws some serious confetti)

    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet One
    Best wishes too to Your other half
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~


  • islekine
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Aloha and Welcome!

    All in all a nice little write...but as you know...that's not quite good enough for POD...best wishes...my scores will reflect my impressions...
    Write on!

  • midnightblue1272
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nice!

    This sounds like soemthing out of a Marvel Comics story, but in a good way. Kinda like The Punisher, but involving a female. Godd one, Tim.


  • Twins 4 me
    December 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this. Awesome message of redemption. Thanks so much for sharing!


  • Arkbear gold member
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hey Tim ~

     

    First impression.....first S* reads almost as though you were beginning a Short Story or such.....quite Prose'....there is not much Poetic beauty in there at all

     

    Your second S* reads as an Informative piece of Literature......almost as though you forgot this was a Poetry Contest

     

    Hmmm.......this doesn't sound like it's going too well

     

    3rd S* reads cliche' THE MOST.....as I have seen this type of penning numerous times in many places.....this does not seem like your work Tim....hmmmm ~

     

    You last S* ......gosh.....it sounds like the ending to your story.....IN, short story format AND Tone.....nothing poetic at all here......and it is not the subject or Theme, 'cause I have seen you take much deeper writes and pen them beautifully ~

     

    Is this really Tim?

     

    Thank you for coming out to support the POD.....but you need to Focus............AND BRING TIM BACK!

     

    Bear ~

     

     

     

    Title   7.5.....too cliche'...gives me too much info....I would not click on this Title unless I wanted to read about this Genre -

    Flow  9.75...not bad....but Short Story Format is how your work reads -

    Depth   9.0..enough depth to grab me, but very cliche'-

    Theme 6.45....have seen this Theme done several times all over AP  -

    Feelings   5.85....lacking a lot....I was not engaged in your personification or subject, too cliche'.......for me -

    Grammar   8.3....pretty simple stuff.....not what I expected from you at all -

    Presentation 9.95....nice

    Uncommonness  5.5...done many times before -

    Sit & Ponder Affect  5.75...I did ponder a tad, but only becuase I still don't think this is Tim.....WHERE HAVE YOU TAKEN TIM!! -

    Ability to follow Rules  10! -

    Bears Score:  78.05

    Ohhhh Tiiimmmmmmyy!!!

    Where for art thou?

    )

     

     

  • Killer Kraving
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow I really like this. the idea of rescuing those who most often go unsaved is really good. The images painted through the vivid descriptions really bring this to life.

1 - 24 of 24