A Child of Condemnation
By: Danielle Schmidt
A child of condemnation
Sits on her corner
Dusting her boots off
As her ring clings to her
Fishnets
A child of condemnation
Holds to her innocence a moment longer
As the monster approaches
This child of condemnation
Leaning against a wall
Propping her goods up so they show,
Her clothes are thinning and barely cover
Any virtue she has left
The man eager, and hot for her
Takes her hand leading her to his care
But an hour of sin is all it was
She awaits saving
She’s sold her soul
Her deed with the man over
She takes the wad of cash
The harlot
Waits to be another victim
Of her naive choice
With each man, she is taken in sin,
Her fatal companion
Shame faced and broken
Her temporal shell
Harboring her acidic life
Regretfully she prays
For an Angel to redeem her
A transgression filled life has led
Her down a dusty path and
Shame and damnation is all she’s found
This poor child…
Says goodbye to her childhood
Eternally bound in her fate
To wallow in hell
No angel waits
She’s made her choice:
condemned
Author notes
This poem has taken a lot out of me. I have actually gotten a lot of crap for calling this girl a harlot. Well, she is. Its not about a real person. I wrote this after an interesting conversation with my American lit teacher. That and after reading verses in the Bible that call people *bunny*s, harlots, and other things related. This poem just kind of came to me.
A contest entry
- Stun me. by angela..
590 points, ended December 5, 2008, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - random by happy-lil-artemis.
650 points, ended December 15, 2008, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A character Indeed by Emmyb.
760 points, ended March 16, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your best freeverse. by jayyniecakes..
400 points, ended March 19, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
-
good write
a good write about a very upsetting and sad subject. nice approach to the painful imagery. keeps the reader interested and its not cliche.
Well done
emma -
This is really a stateof the mind which we all cross over the period of the time of growth of the childhood..and this is really very true and touching as well..
-
Thanks for entering my contest.
Love, Raneika
-
powerful words and harshness of reality, i like the flow to this smooth and the use of words are descriptive enough to envision the images but not so much as to shock
well done xx
-
I have read this before and i don't think i could comment at the time i read it....i really like the way it flows...the ending is what bother's me..."No angel waits/She's made her choice:/condemned"....i've always believed that anyone can be renewed, i don't think that is the word i'm looking for...it maks me a little sad to read the end....but all in all i liked it....keep up the good work and thanks for commenting on my work...i hope you can read some more
-
While this poem is sad and well written I do feel as though the ending is too fire and brimstone.
She’s made her choice:
condemned
This is only my opinion and please don't take it personally.
As for the message;
The condemnation is a bit harsh and to me it seems as though the ridiculous finger pointing (condemnation) of the self serving zealots of the 'Golden Age' have been brought to this piece.
The creativity and form are great though.
-
-
i meant for the ending to be that way... its kind of sarcastic... because sometimes life just carries us down that path
-
-
I really love the way you portrayed it, especially now she chose these things and yet was still innocent. I think you can refine some of the flow, though; it seems a bit choppy in places and the line 'a child of condemnation' is a bit awkward sounding and repetitive. Still, it deserved the trophies and good write!
-
wow good job i loved this it made me cry to know that this is actualy happening in this crude world good luck in my contest
-
i like this piece, i think the definition of the word should be expanded. i know women who are wives, that i would consider whores, no love just a place to sleep, food to eat, and a car to drive. there are other forms of payment. and you don't have to walk the street to be a whore. and the line about the thinning clothes barely covering her virtue. fucking genius.
-
-
Whats funny is my creative writing teacher told me to takethat line out. I refused, so many other people liked those lines.
-
-
and it has trophies
-
sounds like your "creative" writing teacher is drinking bong water in the teacher's lounge. i would have refused too.
-
-
we think he was dropping acid actually lol
-
-
-
-
This poem is great! It really displays the life of a harlot, and you're right, that's what she is. There is some decision into being this kind of a "thing", but at the same time, some girls dont even see the other choices they have in the world, all they see is the cash. A powerful read. Thank you for writing it and sharing it with the rest of us!
-
-
Thank you.
-
-
I like it.
Her deed with the man over
She takes the wad of cash
The, harlot
Waits to be another victim
Of her naive choice
But that comma shouldn't be there, i think. -
-
Thank you for catching that comma.
-
-
It's honestly quite thoguht provoking. Honestly, while I was reading it the tempo seemed a bit off from its format, and I would encourage you to play around with the format. I think with revision, punctuation, and possible word reselection, this could be a fabulous piece.
-
Reading this poem has really brought me endless thoughts one of them is that we really over look so many kinds of people of who walk on this earth with us.
I can't see how it was judgemental since it spoke about the woman in a tender way. Can't add anything more to TabbyJoy's comment other than this poem has touched me deeply with it's imagery and subject.
Well deserved HM, keep penning.
~Noor
-
I actually really liked this piece...and I don't know why anyone thinks it sounds so judgmental. The definitions of Harlot and Whore are pretty cut and dried--someone who is paid for sex. And that is clearly what you were speaking of here.
Also, the compassion you hold for the subject of this piece is clearly evident in the tone you've taken in several places.
"holds to her innocence a moment longer..." she clearly abhors her decision as much as anyone else...she wants to stop but can't see a a way out
"naive choice" indicating she is immature and misguided, not purely evil
"shame faced and broken" obviously, this woman struggles with guilt...just as all of us, as sinners, do from time to time
"This poor child" such love here...and it left me feeling that any one of us could choose such a pain-filled path if we were in her shoes.
I think the last stanza reflects more her own surrender to her situation that the reality of her situation. After all, God used an adulteress and a harlot in the geneology of Jesus. He takes great joy in fixing broken things.
But, unlike some of us, he just isn't afraid to call things what they are. It's not judgmental. It's just not delusional
-
-
Finally someone who completely gets this poem. Not even my creative writing teacher picked up on the things you did. I am glad that someone caught onto this and what I was saying. Thank you.
-
-
this is great.
i agree with angeladowns. this is written in a couple of different viewpoints.
i really like this. it just seems very judgemental, which i get since you were thinking about how many times those words appear in the bible.
i really enjoyed reading this, thanks so much for sharing.
your Faerie
-
-
Thank you. Yeah I was going with how many times it appears in the bible.
-
-
This is extremely beautiful.
It's not a much-written about topic, especially from mulitple viewpoints.
I really love this.
Best of luck!
-
-
Thank you.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 26 of 26
