Obscene societal obstructions
masked in day to day activities.
Erratic movement in and out of stores,
pushing junk stuffed shopping carts
to fully-loaded SUV’s:
My inability to achieve perfection.
I stand myself among animals.
Greedily I partake in the hunt,
moving my cart into position.
Longing for the newest gadget,
as the animal instincts entwine
themselves with my desire to own.
It’s as though the smell of blood fills my nostrils.
The odor fills the air, and I know what is waiting.
The door opens carefully, the clerk moves
out of the way quickly.
The stampede begins, and I stood
clawing, biting, kicking, and screaming a snarl.
Ripping and shredding at those in front of me until
the gadget is in my hands.
“It’s mine!” I scream.
This item became my bread of life.
The overwhelming empowerment of ownership
swelled with in me.
It was as though life pulsated
within the hardware
of my new toy.
I didn’t care who wasn’t left standing.
My animalistic habits were tamed for now.
But all around me the survival instincts
still perfumed the air.
My fellow animals were
still feeding in the heat of their bloodlust.
My moment of triumph was shattered.
As I look around me
I noticed and watched these human bodies
tear through shopping malls,
gaining their falsified satisfaction.
The item I fought so hard to obtain
falls to the ground.
Shock and despise entangle themselves
on my face.
Seeing for the first time what I am.
A wrecker of my beliefs.
A friend of deception and consumerism,
Aiding an arsenal of billionaires with hellish design,
bent on the destruction of the family.
I’m someone who assisted in that demolition.
With that eerie vision in my mind’s sight,
I press on.
My focus blurred as
people move in and out of outlets
like ravenous predatory animals.
Their hunt:
A never ending blood bath.
There actions are putrid and ghastly,
but with half repulsion and half wonderment
my body half expects to join the carnage.
Repulsed at my body’s reaction,
I avert my attention.
God is easier to deal with
than these dangerous shoppers.
Who are prepared to spend more, letting themselves be consumed.
Building their sanctuaries in manufactured goods
We are losing havens: Religion.
Moving on toward worldly developments.
The connection to our possessions
rivals our families.
No longer do pictures of loved
ones hang on the walls.
All of this because,
we’ve let our attention-hungering
cell phones and computers enslave us.
Our pictures now decorate the interior of our phones.
On the less than six inch screen.
Since we’ve lost contacts and humanly connections
the animal instincts thrive within.
Breeding and growing until we’ve
forgotten all things humane.
Making us demons and hellish animal-like monsters.
With blood under our nails and dripping from our mouths.
We’ve bathed ourselves in the retched stench of
a Godly death.
Along my spiritual journey there were those
That broke my spirit and
kicked me off the path: God’s path.
Preying on my inhibitions.
Like scavengers on a freshly decaying corpse
draining my mental abilities.
Much a vampire bat feeds on the blood of its victim.
I fight the urge to react
maintaining control over the animalistic madness within
that longs to manifest itself without.
I sit idle, watching these animals
squash the human condition.
They taunt me, bugging me
to join them in their frivolity.
They chant “Eat, drink, and be merry.”
And their only hell to endure is death.
The only religion they know:
Making billionaires their gods.
They boldly worship swaying their
arms in the air in some ritual fashion.
While these ideals are clever in nature;
misleading others into security and
allowing them to experience carnal desires.
They leave many hardened, cold and alone.
So go on mimicking and scorning simple pleasantries
All you’ve become are Sunday worshippers, but a weekly devils.
I take vigil over these souls
watching as they lose themselves.
Guilt and anguish attacking themselves
within me.
My mind filled with swarming thoughts,
each seeking to overpower the other.
Hitting and crashing into my skull
leaving their impressions.
But laughter finds my lips,
and for a moment my roadway is clear.
Walking away I
lead myself to another venture.
One of secluded silence
away from greed and lust,
away from prying vulture eyes, and
away from tyrannical political opinions.
Where my thoughts are my
Entertainment and Friendship.
My sanctuary appears in the horizon as
blindly hope finds and builds within me.
Solitude: I’ve found,
a place of redemption.
Where I can empty my head
and lose that part of me
that desires to be an animal.
I check myself in.
Confident that no one
will ever tempt me again.
no animal desires inside
these walls, all layered in plastic cushions;
and soothing colors of lavender and sea foam green.
I am left with the final laugh,
as the liquid euphoria runs through my veins.
Nursing staff parading about me
catering to my lunacy.
My only friend within the
animal world.
Author notes
I've done a lot with this poem. It has gone through two creative writing class. It went from one page to about four. I would really like some feedback. I want to know where you want more or where you want less. Do you know what could be taken out?? Really critique this. I'm not the type of person who gets hurt if you don't like this poem and you tell me you hate it. Thank you.
A contest entry
- random by happy-lil-artemis.
650 points, ended December 15, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Provocative And Persuasive Poetry by The Rainbows Mind.
2100 points, ended December 21, 2008, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Yep, half off day at Wal-Mart will do it every time I tell ya! LOL! Just kidding. Seriously though, this is intense, wow, I really admire the way your mind absorbs socio-economic stimuli and that part about,
“One of secluded silence
away from greed and lust,
away from prying vulture eyes, and
away from tyrannical political opinions.”
Awesome write, should have won gold in my opinion!
With much love,
mj.
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this in my opinion is the best thing I have written....publishers hate it though. they act like its the bloody plague
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Yeah, it's uber awesome in fact! LOL! Yeah, sometimes the truth is a bit scary huh?
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Your scenario here is very wast and very true to bring the life in the words..i love the immageries and its crafting as well..well done..
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i like this the way it is honestly, i knwo a lot of people don't like long poems, but i think they have a lot of merrit, this one doesn't go off the train of thought, it all fits together into the theme that you are trying to convey (rampid consumerism is consuming our former values if you ask me) and i think it's just fabulous honestly, wonderful
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you should check out the edited version. its set up differently
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Thanks for entering my contest, this poem was interesting and dark.
Love, Raneika
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This item became my bread of life.
The overwhelming empowerment of ownership
swelled with in me.
Sadly, so many chase down and fight for things that, once obtained have so little real value at all
"The overwhelming empowerment of ownership
swelled with in me."
If we could all apply this one simple line to our soul rahter than a thing to be gained, wouldn't we all be so much more content?
A very nice write.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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The twist at the end of this piece slotted the rest into place and I think that's great. You're certainly hitting on a lot of contemporary issues and although the length of the piece is daunting I felt you could work a little more on the connection between shopping for trash and death and blood. Is it madness or is it simply reality in the light of sweatshop labour, blood diamonds, and shoppers being crushed to death in the sales?
However, at a certain point inthe piece, about halfway through, I stopped feeling as if I was reading a work of creative writing and started to feel like a child on a stool in the corner of the room being lectured to by some stern prebetarian schoolteacher.
That said, I did enjoy reaing this piece and look forward to witnessing its development.
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yeah i know what you mean.
i am working on a twelfth revision.lol
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I actually enjoy this piece. What I like so much about this is the fact that I feel as though I am the character in the story. I could actually see the events unfold and transpire. You wouldn't believe the visions I had while reading this. Very few poems these days break through my hard outer shell. I could actually feel the insanity, anger, lust, disdain, and defeat of this piece.
It takes the reader on an interesting journey through what is considered "reality." It talks about an action so normal and exposes it for what it really is. Speaking of a conflict within the mind of a confused character. "Is this all that life is really meant to be?" Fantastic job. Thanks for entering, and good luck. -
Hi, I have to agree with the others on it being wordy and too long, I would cut it back. There is a lot of repeating religious themes here that I think you could cut a lot out and still get your message out. It reminds me of black friday christmas shoppers, working in retail myself in the past a lot of the images you have created here are very true. Vultures is a good word for them, we used to call them IOS, Idiots out shopping, they would trample people to death to save a couple bucks. Really takes the spirit out of Christmas. But work on taking some of the poetic language here out and compact it.
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Wow this is really absorbing. I understand and (partially) agree with what you are saying, although I feel that in places you tend to get a bit wordy--there are places where you wax on and on when you could condense the meaning into a shorter phrase or sentence. Trim down some of your language.
Overall, very nice. -
wow good job on this its a very good write good luck
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i really liked the concept of this, you had so much to say. but i find myself thinking along these lines a lot. so many good points. it was a bit wordy though, 173 lines. but good introspection. and a lot of great points, or did i already say that. "my desire to own", very powerful line, and could make one feel so ashamed of oneself. and how we need to look to spirituality, not so much a higher power, to find a better life. i moved not too long ago, and i looked at all the stuff i had in boxes, that had been in boxes since the last time i moved. the stuff owns us. and the part about the pictures-reminded me of this article i read in newsweek, i've been meaning to write a poem about. you might find it interesting, about the "documentation generation". anyways-newsweek-march 24, 2008-page 67, you can probably google it, or archive it. but back to the poem, i like the ending. like we have no choice but to be driven crazy. or maybe that was just your escape. but as far as any revisions, i'll read it again and process it and get back to you.
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