Passing the time with my thoughts
Debating the desire with myself
Over you
You that fogs the windows of my
Fragile disposition
Not allow stones to shatter my emotions
Of you
You that awakes me while I labor
Throughout the day, asleep at the
Proverbial wheel of life
But functioning
In order to be with
You
You that arouses the fires
That burn longer than the
California hills, praying
Hoping it would subside
At your feet
For you
You to extinguish this heat
That is you
No infatuation can compare to this
Fanaticism
Continued jests at my obsession
Over you
So I’ll wait
until you realize
This infirmary within my mind
Has been infected, tainted
By only
you
Author notes
Thinking about how someone can be so close but be so far
In a list
A contest entry
- Infatuation by Jeremy0826.
900 points, ended December 4, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
starting over - need your thoughts
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
This is beautiful! No infatuation can compare to this
Fanaticism
Continued jests at my obsession
Over you
So I’ll wait
until you realize
This infirmary within my mind
Has been infected, tainted
By only
you
-
-
thank you so much!!
-
-
D
E
E
P
I mean this is awesome
Wonderful and welcome back. Keep in touch
the CoCo is getting cold
-e
-
-
thanks Coco I'm trying, with your help I'll be back. With gusto.
-
-
I really like the flow of this one...only one small thing, Line 23: "Fanatacism jest at my obsession"...gives me pause each time I read it...should it be 'jests' perhaps, or break the line so that 'fanaticism' has one line and the 'jest at my obsession', another?..Not sure what works best, but that one line makes me stumble in a poem that otherwise is filled with tense fascination and a creeping darkness that is just barely contained in lust. How's that for mangling the English language? ......Best wishes in the contest, my friend. Peace, Rhonda
-
-
Good catch my friend, I changed it. Glad you picked up on the darkness and almost stalking undertones of the feel of this. again, something that wanted to be said. weird huh? LOL!! But that has always been me any way ~ Thanks darling
-
-
Deep
An obsession, the addiction of another, often lusting after something that is right next to us but out of reach, this is deep and I think that many of us go this day in and day out, often many try to hide or lie to theirself about their infatuation but deep down they we all suffer from lust. Excellent write, I think that you hit the nail on the head. Thank you for sharing and keep them coming.
raingoddess
-
-
i really appreciate your comments. thanks for jumping in and feeling what I was trying to express.
-
-
You did a great job with this piece!
I love your content and thoughts in this
one. Thanks a lot for taking the time to
enter my contest. I wish you the best
of luck with it here!
Jeremy0826 -
-
Thanks my friend for the time to read my thoughts
-
-
Totally awesome pic painted here....of passion growing with the rapid-speed of a wild fire...This an very vivid piece of poetic art....excellent writing my son....Mom
-
-
Thanks again mom - I'm getting there. Just need to kick these rocks out of my head
-
-
wow! I am impressed! Your really growing as a writer/poet. I will be back on more often, so I am looking foward to seeing more of your work.
-
I know this feeling very well, they become the main focus of your thoughts, everything else just doesn't seem to matter. They become so consuming..just the thought of them sends you into an emotional turmoil. It is good to see you write again..Good luck with this
Luv ~sweetness~♥
-
-
Aaaaaaaaaah sweetness - my pleasure, I'm trying. I just need people to be honest and kick out my dirt and embrace my sunlight.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
