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Open Arms.

As soon as he boarded the train, it struck him.
He stood in the aisle staring,
I like to think it was in my direction
with those heavenly eyes, he's the perfect victim.

I saved this bullet for that man,
I'd be happy when any essence of me
became lodged in his fickle heart.
I wasn't surprised when it killed him.

No mortal could survive the wrath of my obsession,
my association as the deliverer of death.
I'm sure he figured out as his corpse collapsed,
this life is wonderful, but the end is beautiful.

I planned this out last night,
when he told me he was leaving,
headed any dreadful place but this one.
He said he couldn't sleep holding red hands.

I couldn't live with him, and I couldn't live without him.
I convinced myself he didn't exist,
my delusions made fiction into pure fact.
This human was a figment of my imagination.

I sat in the seat closest to the door,
I waited only for him with bloody, open arms.
The gun shook when I finally released the bullet,
and as soon as he boarded the train, it struck him.

Author notes

We auctioned off lines in class today,
the assignment was to take another person's opening line
and write a poem based off of it.
I got my teachers, so credit to him for the first line of this poem.
I hope I don't dissapoint him with the rest of it.

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Comments


  • stompsalot
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow! amazing write! you are a true talent and this really struck me as powerful! the intensity and genius are stunning. imagery excellent.
    blessings *stomps


  • Netherspice
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!

    The chaotic flow is evident throughout the whole poem, and your choice of wording is precise in a haphazard way.

    The depiction of a man/woman who in her own mind travels between sanity and the void of insanity is excellently created, and I must commend you on your effort.

    Keep it up.


    • Ligeia
      December 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, very much.
      I appreciate it.


  • FaerieNWonderland
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is great!
    you could have gone so many places with that first line.
    it really is a credit to your creativity that it took you to that place.
    i love how you told the story of someone who is clearly insane in such a heartfelt and poetic way.
    most things like this is more clear cut.
    i love how you chose to put this together.
    i really enjoyed reading this.

    your Faerie