She folds her graceful wings towards her,
drawing them as tightly to her body as she can.
Her hands are wrapped around her head, hands over her ears. She tries to drown out the world.
Her raven hair, is in her face and she tries, tries to kill the world.
Stab a needle in her mind and numb it, stick a knife in her heart and twist it.
Cuts on her wrists, she tries to cry her tears from her veins. Tries to get the poison out, out of her body and out of her life.
She raises her head, shy like a hurt animal.
Mascara leaves trails down her cheeks.
Her eyes are full of pain, your stomach twists, and knots by facing the purest form of emotion that you see in her eyes.
They are a soulless black, remorse, pain, anger all show.
She backs up towards the wall, and slides down slowly and takes a gun out from within her ripped wings.
She shakily raises it to her beautiful head, and presses the tip to her temple, and pulls the trigger.
The bullet rips through her flesh, into her dark blood, sucking the life out of her.
Close your eyes, baby, it will be better.
A contest entry
- Hiding Your Wings. by November-Dani.
550 points, ended December 22, 2008, 28 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the biggest prewrite contest ever by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended January 18, 362 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comment please?
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Wow! It made sense to me- it was so chilling to read .So full of raw emotion and pain! There wasn't one line that I loved the most because it all just fit together so well and was so vivid in my head. The title was so fitting- the idea of a suicide angel is so painfully sad but achingly beautiful at the same time.
Well written!
WritingFree -
Oh my Gawd. I love this. It makes sense, when you read it from a suicidal attempt POV. It is quite beautiful. Love love love it. And, even if it didn't make sense, it doesn't matter. Poems don't always make sense, I mean read some of mine. Lol, they never make sense.
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I do love this. Thank you so much for entering.
Fantastic stuff.
Best of luck.
Dani. -
I like the imagery you have used here, it's powerful and implants a clear imagine in the readers mind. I also think it describes depression quite well. One line in particular
"Cuts on her wrists, she tries to cry her tears from her veins. Tries to get the poison out, out of her body and out of her life."
I found this most apt...Great write
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Ahh- you just made my day.
thank ya, darlin. thats my favorite line also
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Great imagery, I can see it in my head as I read it!
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Thank ya love, thats what I was hoping for, but I dont think I captured it correctly
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Well you are your harshest critic, remember that. lol
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I will, thank ya.
Hey- we should talk sometime.
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nice
nice
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Thank ya
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Line 1: 'fold' should be 'folds'
Line 3: 'wrapper' should be 'wrapped'
Line 15: soulless should be one word.
Line 16: 'slids' should be 'slides'
Line 17: Within the wings?
I must say.
This is great.
And the ending.
Is the best.
Great job, Mer. :] -
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AH!
Thank you love.
You gave me great use full advice!
Thank ya!
<3
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I get what your trying to say and the emotion behind it But its a bit confusing that may just be me tho!
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Dude, I know!
but I dont know how to make it more clear!
help me?
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good
It cought a lot of the feelings that I have
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aha, you like it?
I thought it sounded crazy, and I dont know how to make it more real...any tips?
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