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[ clicking, pulling against itself ]

clicking, pulling against itself
like pulling yourself up on a wake-board

like a belly-flop stinging
your stomach red, like slapping
the soles of your feet on choppy water
like laying in the bottom of a jet boat
full throttle on a windy day
like pushing yourself underwater in a hot-tub
jets throbbing through your ears
and into your bones
like fixing the broken zipper of a wind-breaker
like ocean breath filling a sail
like a seagull stealing fish from your plate
like picking up a coin under water
with your teeth

like water pounding you awake

Author notes

guess what sound this is...

leave a comment and i'll tell you!

hehehe
just for fun, really!
but i would love to pull it together for real.

Let me know, really, truly, what you think of it...

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Jaden silver member
    December 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Sounds like a waterfall . . . but _____ t__e?


    • vitamin.M
      December 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      yes... it is in fact _____ t__e...
      i know it's not very connected but I had restrictions, and i was looking forward to a beach vacation and...well...this is what came out... i think the most accurate has got to be the bellyflop...


  • Jaden silver member
    December 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hmmmm . . . a mystery poem . . . I have experience with belly flops and the underwater jets of a hot tub . . . have to think more on this.