Heaven Their Are Many Room

I started having dreams that I was alone my mate was missing
They keep coming back, In one dream he was not in the home
My husband shook me awake why are you screaming my name
In my dream I could not find you because you were dead
He laughed it off it just a bad dream, I am not going any where

Everyday I wonder if my husband would come back to me
I thought I must of been over reacting to a nightmare
We spent the weekend together Saturday we ran some errands
Went to church them we went out to eat after that looked at shoes
During the time we talk and made plans for our future

That Monday I got a call from Clarkson Hospital that my husband was ill
Deep in my mind that dream keep nagging at me
I stop and got Brenda my friend to help keep me calm
Some how I felt he was gone
When he came into a room, some how I knew it

My tummy  is doing loop tee loops, my heart starts to beat faster
I wanted to see my husband
The lady showed us where the emergency was located
I ask for the room number I wanted to see my husband
She said she had to call the doctor and pastor
When Ken his brother and wife arrived
I said to brace your self he gone to heaven

The doctor said it was quick
Norm was working on part of the hospital
He died at work, I wanted to be there for him
His sister Karen wanted to say good by so I took her down there

I touched me and kiss him on the check there was still a tube in his mounth
At first I could not believe it was  real
I wanted the last visit before the cornor took him
I was bewilder out of my mind then numbness set in
I asked him, how will I leave with out you

His family took us to a place to eat
It felt like hard rocks then creamy soup
After we left, I had to stop again, I was very ill
Karen handed me another bag it was a God sent
Not too much later I was heaving my guts out

Every thing seem too much too handle
It felt so surreal yet I knew he was not coming home
Ken wanted to get the arrangements done today

Best word to describe it is a living hell
Pick out a cansit and talk about how we wanted him to  look
like my husband not a lot of make up and his hair naturally

By this time I was wipped out like an ocean of hurt rolled over my heart and
half of me was missing, my friend,lover, husband,provider, is love for life
He could always make me smile, in the hardest of times
It felt like the floor rocked, rattle and rolled
Each paper signed was like  an arrow to the heart

The day of the funeral my grief was so overwhelming
I could not help others with there grief issues
Each time I saw him, this would be my last time
I cried tears of a broken heart weeping over the circle of life

I keep wondering why God only gave me four and half years with him
We started to get our marriage under control the future looked so much better
Then in one moment, his breath stops no more heartbeats to give

This happen in May 12th I am still reeling with grief issues
It so very hard after the funeral people forgot their promises to you
Then I had to handle a mess on his funeral day he did not pay
a bill so they took our checking and saving out
Even now so many things seem to go so wrong

There are times I shake out of grief
Then some days I hide in my home in the bed not wanting to  come out
It the worst thing for me I finally found the right type of love
We shared so many interests,we talk all the time at his breaks
The dogs going though the proccess too
At 5pm they walk to the door wanting for him

This breaks my heart our little family of furry friends shared my hurt
They licked my tears away
It hard to explain I no longer feel him it  like part of me is gone
Broken heartiness is unbearable at times

It full of ups and downs one find out how little they knew about their spouse
He told me no one really loved him, I said open your eyes many people love you
At the furnel not many pews where open
I felt like a cold block of ice was impress in my soul

Even now it hard at nights I miss our talks
There so many little things I miss like his pancakes
Tickle of his eye they just light up

Today was a hard day
I shook and could hardly talk
I am alone now has sat in