You don’t want me, it’s just my luck,
But I can’t give a flying ... fiddle.
You were too posh, so cute and glam,
You wanted love, I want to ... leave.
My arms held you, you gave your trust,
Until with force I had to ... shudder.
My brutish nature made you sick,
You would not even touch my ... face.
You said my mind was full of muck,
I said what’s wrong? We all should ... diddle.
Morality? It’s all a sham.
Bend over prudes, it’s time to ... grieve.
I should find myself a hussy,
My only chance to get some ... love.
Author notes
This was written as an entry into the Erotic Challenge.
The rules were …
Erotic Humour
-Can not use the following words
fuck, slam, thrust, dick, pussy
-No letter 'T' in title
-15 line limit
I went with my own format. I find Sonnets to be some of the most romantic poetry around and so, as this was not supposed to be romantic, I wrote a “broken” sonnet (which gives us 14 lines rather than the maximum 15). As there were words that I could not use, I imagined the protagonist reciting a poem as he left the virginal object of his lustful desire and forcing himself not to swear 
Rhyme Scheme
Aa(broken)Bb(broken)
Cc(broken)Dd(broken)
Aa(broken)Bb(broken)
Ee(broken)
Apart from the rhymes being “broken” the second line of each quatrain has an extra syllable.
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While I would love to win this challenge it is all down to the points, which leads me to one of the things I found difficult (not a problem of the Challenge) I was travelling a lot and so doing things at the last minute, which resulted in me writing a piece late at night when I was knackered and entering a piece that wasn’t erotic! 
However, if I have to blow my own trumpet, I guess I would say that I always tried to push things as far as I could and do something unexpected ...
I enjoyed the costume ball one as it gave me the opportunity to write from a different perspective. I did not enjoy the collaborations so much as it lead to logistical challenges but also, I feel, did not test individuals as much. Personally I would have a separate challenge for collaborations and keep this one for individual pieces.
A contest entry
- The Erotic Challenge (Final Round Season 8) by Master Ktulu.
1800 points, ended December 6, 2008, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Okay, okay I am late! So sorry. Maybe I should be spanked...
Anyway:
The verse above was simply glam
and al I want to do is b ...
it really got me hot and bothered
as if my kitty just got smothered.
Hehe ... you inspired me to write something funny, or at least I thought it was.
PERFECT! 200 out of 100!
Grammar/ spelling/ punctuation: 20
Creativity/ presentation: 20
Grab me effect: 25 no sorry only 20
How well you handled the challenge: 20
Overall: 20
Total: 105 hehe -
Its a shame your time is taken away from your pen Tattboy as you are one hell of a writer. One of the best things of my first year on AP is meeting Chantel and finally, after being hyped beyond the stars, reading you. I agree with you about collaborations though I do write in a collab team we all know each other and can instantly react to each others pens, but we have been together a long time and I think instant collabs with starngers especially in erotica is not only a challenge but nigh on impossible.
As to this piece its brilliantly funny, I love the style. Substitution words are teriffic.
Love and light
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Glad you enjoyed it.
I hope things continue to go well with your collaboration team
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i also like the way you change each word to refrain from cursing. i have really enjoyed all of your entries and can only hope to read more from you.
spelling/grammar=20
grab me=20
presentation=20
how well you handled the challenge=20
overall=20
total=100 -
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Thank you for your comment, I'm glad you have enjoyed my writing. I just wish I had time to do more of it ...
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Thank You!!
Thank You for Your entry: Romance My Arse!
This piece tugged hard and though I am not as talented when it comes to Erotic Humor (just like my story writing). I base on how it makes me feel, how reader friendly it is to digest but most of all- did it have cohesiveness I thoroughly enjoyed the story for You had me chuckling with this (broken) Sonnet- Love how You did the end words and I do understand their usage and imagined the man's restraint from swearing Gave me quite a laugh...Very Creative in form- I have always said I would rather have a root canal then pen a Sonnet whether broken or not While I was reading which I do several times before making a comment~ Images come to me in many forms~ while taking in Your words: I was able to envision the scenario-
You had a challenge of not incorporating word bank (hardcore) also with line maximum count- Overall I would have certainly found it difficult myself to pen such a piece as this
Execution Wonderful
I will try to keep this one short but in summary
Magnificent verse entered ~
Challenge Matrix:
spelling/grammar/punctuation- 20
presentation/creativity- 20
how well you handled the challenge-20
"grab me" effect (how much did we enjoy reading this piece)- 20
overall-20
For a total of 100 points
Sensual images & message You have brought forth
Thank You for sharing Your Talent!
Hope to read more...
Best wishes to You in the challenge Sweet Soul
**Judging will be done shortly...
Many blessings too
with much love & light~ Desire~*~
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Thank you very much for your very full comments.
What I enjoy about contests is that they make me do something I may not normally do. I'm glad that it worked here.
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Well done. I think this was absolutely perfect. I always admire your desire to succeed in my challenges and enjoy having you as a participant. I think you are one of the most thorough writers on this site and it has been a pleasure to challenge you.
Spelling/ grammar/ punctuation: 20
Creativity/ presentation: 20
Grab me effect: 20
How well you handled the challenge: 20
Overall: 20
Total 100
**Master Ktulu** -
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roflmao!
as He said ... 'thorough' ???!!!
lol - EVERYTHING He does is 'thorough', but He's covered it well in saying that i maintain He's a pedantic Brit
i love Him to pieces despite that 
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Exactly! YOU maintain I'm pedantic ...
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ummmm ... You saying i'm wrong????!!!! be honest now ...
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I am precise, thoughtful and careful ..........
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ahem ... precise = pedantic, thoughtful = pedantic, careful = pedantic ... hmmmmmm
You are right - You are precise, thoughtful and careful ~giggle~
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Thank you very much for your comment and the 100 points.
My pet will laugh to see you call me "one of the most thorough writers" she calls it being a pedantic Brit!
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You are a Brit ???? Dayum is that my learn something everyday today or what!!!!!
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I thought it was obvious!
I'm repressed, reserved and pedantic!
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I put that down to you having style, class and intelligence.
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I have to agree with my Sister Jem on this one..
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Scared the Brits will gang up on ya more like Bro lmao
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Nice. After reading your ANs I appreciated it even more.
Be Well.
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Glad you appreciated it, I enjoyed writing it
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!!!!!!! LOL
This is going on my favorites list, this was completely and utterly AWESOME!!!
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Glad you liked it
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...!
Diddle, HA!
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You are unique in so many ways and Your sense of humour is DEFINITELY something worth paying attention to!
i love You for Your sickness
WELL DONE!!!!
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Glad you liked it (and I'm glad you share My sense of humour!)
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