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the clouds hang around the cliffs like a noose this morning

 

 

i don't sleep well at night


sleep won't come, so
i pop a potion, guaranteed
to produce, and

fall into images

as if watching a film -

chewed up, spit from the reels

 

 

i believe in ghosts


a voice whispers,

low level electricity
flows through flesh
in spectral foreplay

 

i shake it off
and feel him grin

 

 

i have been cold since september


rain, like cold needles
tattooed the day on my back


the ink,  heavy as mercury
threatens to break me

 

 

morning is my favourite time of day


the light is soft
and does not inflame


as it

      shines

            through
                    the still

                             open

                                  wound

 


ga-ga goo-goo love poetry gags me


if i were asked to write of love
it would be tinged with the pain

pathos of a fool

 

it would come with a warning

   

    this could scar innocent minds
    that still deserve to dream

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Per contest rules: Luna Tique Fringe


the title from each vignette came from a list of statements written by the group called "in the slush of a wrung washcloth" casually known as
the "slush girls".. each of us wrote a list of fifty, and we were allowed one pick from each list with which to create our individual pieces.

the slush girls: Cat, Grunts Girl, Tara Wilson, Zochit2me, Jersene, Suzanne Dia, Rowan, Nurse Chilly, Jantastic and myself

thanks ladies

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 29 of 29

  • Cup-a-Joe
    December 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Gold Hun? Well shucks i could have told ya that. Just ask next time. OK?
    joe


  • superkurd13
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow..

    the imagery is vivid and your diction impeccable. the formatting also adds a wonderful element to the poem. this is absolutely fabulous.. i think a well deserved golden trophy.

  • tara wilson gold member
    December 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    congrats to you, Deb

    [and don't listen to that sillyfish, he likes to tell lies about me]

  • Rowan gold member
    December 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I'm so glad you won!!!
    Congratulations!

  • silverfish
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    of all the elements to this piece, i kinda have to say i was most taken with something you probably did not intend, but worked very well to me: the 'as it shines through still open wounds' structure looks to me like steps to a gallows. which caught my imagination because of the strong image created by the title. -coldmountainfish

    • Luna Tique Fringe
      December 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      first let me say, i agree with you about the title. next, i will say i cannot take credit for it. the title was written by Tara Wilson, one of our group members. if you haven't read her work, or that of the other slush girls, you are missing out.

      in my mind it was a beam of light shining down, but i really like it when others find their own meanings. i see what you mean about the steps, it does work well with the title.

      thank you

      i live very near cold mountain



  • just mercedes gold member
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is powerful, an original voice here that demands attention with these vignettes, images of pain and loss in a life that still feels and sees, is not beaten. The format here, and the treatment of each segment, is really different, fresh and good. Thank you for this entry.


    • Luna Tique Fringe
      December 4, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      i am happy you liked it and the gold trophy is a surprise bonus that comes with this most generous comment

      • just mercedes gold member
        December 4, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Well deserved. I'm a keen student of the process of poetry, and your group has hit upon a potent initiator. As we'd say in Australia, good on you.


  • Jersene gold member
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    my goodness, you're on a roll with these vignettes

    these are stunning.!!!


  • Ariosto II. gold member
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is a great idea.
    the vignettes suit the titles to a tee
    I have been cold since september is my favorite but they are all good.
    You have good company slush girl
    If anything happened to you dames, AP would be bereft of distaff talent.

    (need a cuddly mascot?)

    is it freezing in the Mountains NC?
    It sure as hell is here.

    • Luna Tique Fringe
      December 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks so much..

      i definitely agree, i am constantly amazed by these ladies, they just keep raising the bar. i feel like the redheaded step child..lol

      yeah..it's been soooo cold, we had some snow, a couple of inches..enought to be pretty.

      i bought one of those snuggy things they sell on tv, the ones that look like a robe worm backwards..have you seen them ? i highly recommend it, so cozy yet non-constrictive

      stay warm, GA

  • Suzanne Dia
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    yeesh, girl..

    It makes me sad a bit, you know
    the experience we gain that prevents us from being complete fools..

    You know, I sometimes miss being that fool.

    the rain tattooing..
    brilliant.

    You could do more, couldn't you?


  • Cat gold member
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    your best work to date deb... your voice has taken on a nuance that just drifts and floats through the reader's mind...

    i especially love the cold since september vignette with it's strong wording and imagery

    wonderful stuff... love what you did with the prompts

  • Cup-a-Joe
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    How do I love thee....
    I can't count pass three..
    That's the munber of years i went to scool.
    You SlushGirls kick some arse.


  • arafura gold member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "this could scar innocent minds
    that still deserve to dream"

    Very good. Some original and fresh lines in there that appealed to me greatly. Fine work, poet!

  • Rowan gold member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Damn girl, you done did good.
    And, thank you...

  • tara wilson gold member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    this is wonderful...the morning one is so powerful with the sun shining in the still open wound.

    =)excellent...

1 - 29 of 29