I like school,
and I don’t play the fool.
I look into the mirror,
and I like what I see, every flaw and error.
There existed a crack though,
just a tiny hairline split in the dough,
but it was enough to derail and unveil
my otherwise perfect veneer.
I got into the obsessive-compulsive business,
started off by throwing away all my dresses.
I took a leap into the great unknown,
disowned everything and became a complete drone.
The train for the anti-social rattled by,
I trundled up, never knowing that marked the day my normalcy died.
Forever as I’ve known it ended,
and everything in my life became dented.
I reckon, the day my parents forgot to register my name
at birth, my identity crisis started and I was never the same.
I followed others through doors,
stood behind glass windows, and stared down at floors.
That night I saw you at the train platform,
I followed you, it was in a dream; it was like the norm.
I woke up and tried to wish reality away,
it was getting hard waking up from dreams day after day.
I still like school,
I still look cool.
I look at myself in the glass
and tell myself not to live my life so fast.
I’ve dreamed of flying,
I’ve dreamed of dying,
and behind every fake scowl,
there lies a genuine smile just begging to cry foul.
I’ve done everything but really hurt myself, I think,
all the inner guilt and self-torture not marked down in ink.
I’ve thrown my life away once, and
I won’t do it again, will someone please take my hand.
I used to come to school over the fence,
waiting for someone to knock into me some sense.
When she got tired of my antics, and upped and left me,
I told myself it couldn’t be, no way, it couldn’t be.
Who’s that girl sitting there,
with her face half-covered by her hair?
Who is she that responds to my name—
I didn’t know—are we playing the same game?
Taking over my life,
telling me she’d get rid of all strife.
I don’t know, I reckon
I’d want the other one back, even with her masks of silicon.
She looked me in the eye
and asked me did I really want to die.
I said no, I still have my friends, I still have school...
and so she said, then stop acting like a fool.
I am supposed to get off that Mars-bound train today,
travelling off into eternity and bringing me forever away.
I used to look like me, look normal, look sane,
not like some wild-eyed girl screaming, “I’m insane.”
I like to look at the stars, and admire leaves and flowers,
maybe write a few poems and dedicate them to my pretend lover.
Once upon a time, I used to wish upon those heavenly beings up in the sky—
that was before I knew that stars could die and God could cry.
Without my moral compass, I was but a mere deviant.
Without my fantasy, I could never hope to be an idiot savant.
Without my new beginning, I could never be reborn like the phoenix, and soar like the dove.
Without my reality, there was no chance I could look beyond me and learn to love.
I like pretty things, like any other girl.
I’m waiting for someone to come and give my life a whirl.
Something happened, everything’s changed.
I don’t recognize that girl anymore and everyone’s playing strange.
Like that alien friend on crack,
I’m waiting for her to come back.
Meanwhile I’m renouncing all worldly pleasures and friends,
waiting for the world to send us, to its magnificent not-quite end.
In a list
A contest entry
- Reader meet Author by george the 23rd.
1500 points, ended December 3, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Imagination Required! Options! by ShiningNShadows.
725 points, ended December 16, 2008, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the New Rules by delic8.
1200 points, ended March 19, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me Who You Are by ShaShay.
1750 points, ended September 13, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Oh God, story of my life. What's *your* story? :)
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Oh, I like the length.
The poem was exponentially better when I read it like a rap in my head (a terrible white-girl rap, anyway.) The rhyme and the rhythm really feel like old-school rap to me...
I like the characterization, the somewhat original concept and relatively polished execution. There were a couple lines I'd edit down; I have no issues with length, but there were repetitive spots here and there. -
Wow - this was very long, which, for me, detracted from the poem itself, I feel that it could have been condensed to become more concise and yet still as meaningful -
However, I congratulate you on keeping the rhythm and rhyme going continuously throughout it's length - no mean feat!
Favourite section was this;
"I’ve thrown my life away once, and
I won’t do it again, will someone please take my hand." <== what a plea for help, very well written!
Thanks for entering
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wow wow wow and wow!
this is deep and very emotional!
i love this poem, and the rhyme made it stronger. keep penning 
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Wow, I found this very meaningful and enjoyable. I can't possibly pick a favorite stanza because I love them all. It does lack some structure, but rhyme scheme and flow cover up for it! Good luck in my contest!
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Yep, thanks so much for your comment... and thanks for the sliver too!
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I really liked this.
Was very very powerful.
The amount of emotion was simply breathtaking.
Well done and good lukc.
Thanks for the great write. -
You really express your emotions within your writes really well, I think you're great, and keep up the wonderful works. It's not always easy to pen the past, but I know one thing, sometimes it makes some of the rawest, honest writes one can pen.
All the best in the contest! 
Much love and light, Timothy aka poeticweaver~ x
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Despite the flaws
I can overlook the failures of form to see the gem inside this. And does it ever shine.
I've often felt like a stranger to myself, looking askance at the mirror and asking, "who is that guy?"
I've written about it, too, though not as openly as this, and that's what attracted me to this write. You bare all your doubts and uncertainties, willing to expose the "cracks" in the mirror.
More than that, though, you show yourself willing to examine your own life far more than the average person would. I really admire that. It's a rare quality in a person, and it always pleases me to see it.
Wel done.
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Thank you so much for your kind comment- I think the only reason I could ever write this was because... I was still (kind of) hiding behind a mask. Or perhaps it's just that the past is easier to deal with (write about) because it's over and done with.
In any case, let us enjoy the life that we have (didn't Shakespeare say that "All the world's a stage, and all men and women merely players"..?) and play the roles we have been assigned... ah, to be a poet is great!
Thank you so much again!
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Very good. I agree with the other guy about the rhyme scheme, but you still got what you were trying to say across. Good poem x and good luck in your contest
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This was a good write, but I couldn't help but feel that it was held back by a clumsy rhyme scheme. I would love to read something from you in more of a free verse/stream of consciousness style. Keep it up, and all the best to you in the future!
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wow this is really good, the first few lines it seemed like you tried to hard for it to rhyme but over all its a really good poem!!!
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