My damp, disgusting insides are like twisted molding clay.
The store-bought kind that never dries, or cracks and rots away.
My blood can be manipulated. Shape me into something good,
then break me into fragments like I didn't think you would.
You're shooting off my organs just like sticky rubberbands,
to hold, but then reject them from your pale, almighty hands.
They'll slide along, constrict your legs and crawl across the floor.
Stomp on them until they're weak, but they'll come back for more.
My heart is like the stray that's on your doorstep every night---
So turn away. Protect yourself; that tired bitch might bite!
Coming back to haunt you on the chance it might be fed,
not comprehending any word it knows you might have said.
It's panting and it's out of breath and all your doors are closed.
Abused and whipped, it ran away. Now it's out, exposed.
You think that it will strip your skin, and chew on every bone,
but Darling, you must understand; It's wrong to be alone.
My soul is like the song you are composing as you please;
A beginning and a solid verse... but there is no reprise.
The melody is golden when it enters into someone's ear,
but exits as a striking pain. A stabbing, vile and severe,
Could you say it's a masterpiece? A song you should befriend?
A strain without a single breath, or sound without an end?
I am not pure--- Conduct me loud, until my breath is gone!
Don't say you've reached your final note, 'cause I will still play on.
Author notes
December 2, 2008.... This was written for someone specific. I'll leave the meanings and metaphors for YOU to decipher.
username: Autumnsflame
A contest entry
- loneliness by katie-jo.
550 points, ended February 16, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your oldest prewrite poems and my 20th contest by stargazer..
650 points, ended April 20, 417 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
PLEASE be HONEST when commenting my writing. Tell me I SUCK, if that's what you think.
Comments
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nice rhyme. thank you for entering.
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wow...this is so dark and just amazing at the same time. the rhyme is just amazing...and the images you paint are...perfect. i loved it. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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So, I have a lot I want to say about this, but I am sort of at a loss for words at the moment.
I have to say it's my favorite thing I've ever read by you. It's dark and sophisticated. The rhyme (which I am usually not a fan of) is spot on through the whole thing. It's not cliche and childish. I truly loved the tone it set from beginning to end.
This was my favorite part:
"My damp, disgusting insides are like twisted molding clay.
The store-bought kind that never dries, or cracks and rots away.
My blood can be manipulated. Shape me into something good,
then break me into fragments like I didn't think you would."
Reminds me a little bit of something I would write, but way more clever.
My only problem was this
"Could you say it's a masterpiece? A song you should befriend?
A strain without a single breath, or sound without an end?"
I like the idea, and the word choice for the most part...I just didn't enjoy this bit of rhyme, mostly the 'befriend' part. It was a little forced to me.
Overall, I really liked this. Keep this up
You did an amazing job.
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Thanks dawg, I'm glad you liked it!
=)
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