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burn





arrows always point right
in incorrect situations
while you dose on emotions
too hard to pronounce;

so these roots crack
below unstable foundations -
where home was lost long ago
and my leaves
are not elegant enough
to shatter.

nerves can't react
to a situation I already know
but they can't tell apathy
from solitude

so I fake sorrow
to drown expectations:
guilt doesnt arise
from a mess I didn't spill

and while imitations stand
in place of flares,

even flames
self-destruct.














 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Fuck. I don't know. It's probably bad. But I can't find anything else to edit.

--

Picture credit: http://sagitarii.deviantart.com/art/Firewater-47888799

--

Thought process: I first thought of the contest title: flicker. That gave me an image of something going on and off and on and off until it's finally off. The picture then made me think of that process as a circle in which situations continue so much that it is already known.

To tell you the truth, george, I just tried to capture your story instead of re-printing mine.

But don't worry, even if you don't like this crappy-ish dedication, I still love you <3

In a list

A contest entry

Now you tell me:

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • LoveGoneMad
    February 3
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    great write... loved it


  • Death of the Author
    December 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nerves can't react
    to a situation I already know -

    the idea is perfect, being accustomed to things so you you're just used to it, but I KNOW for a fact you can word that better.

    my leaves are not elegant enough to shatter - my favourite part


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    December 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    this message will self-destruct in 30 seconds

    I like this poem, however(&this is a first for me), I don't get this:
    nerves can't react
    to a situation I already know
    but they can't tell apathy
    from solitude

    It's just the use of can't in line 1, and but can't in line 3, they negate each other. I've read and re-read and I can't grasp it.

    I absolutely love the idea of both lines on their own, but together they don't make sense to me. I love the rest though, especially the ending lines.

    ♥
    whisper


    • Never Fall in Love
      December 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      why self destruct?

      I tried to say that when there's something that you know will happen and has happened before - it doesnt make you break down. And then later I mentioned that it wasn't apathy .. just solitude .. but people can't differentiate between the two and so call the person cold-hearted.


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    December 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully written
    Great penning of emotions

    Excellent piece


  • Wesley Storer
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Aw, fiery passion of youth

    I like your page design and the depth of your passionate feeling 18 year old Spanish girl. I happened upon you quite by chance at random. Do you dance the Flamenco? Merry Christmas and blessed 2009. Yes, fire does self-destruct. I never thought of that before. Best Wishes.


  • xDemonicxAngelx
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love it.
    Incredible as usual. God I wish I had your talent. Best of luck in the contest love.

    Take care


  • parachute fog
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    did you have to reproduce the picture in the poem? i hate when people do that.

    ending lines of the first stanza were strong, as was the second.

    i wasn't exactly sure of the remaning portions but i enjoyed it never the less.


  • Age of Rain
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    First of all, I LOVE THE PIC. Always have. Secondly, this was a very interesting write.

    You array your poetic devices effectively punch the end just enough. A killer poem really. And unique to you


  • Nienna Calmcacil
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Probably bad" ????

    You must be on crack or something, honey.

    Because that was fucking amazing.
    It was so powerful, so ... I don't know, raw and bitter and amazing.

    Gahhhhhh I don't know what else to say.

    I loved it.


  • mysticstorm gold member
    December 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing!

    mystic


  • stasis
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Personally, I love this. I think it's absolutely perfect, and fitting for the contest. Brilliant work.

    ♣ Tegan

  • Death of the Author
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so I fake sorrow
    to drown expectations:
    guilt doesnt arise
    from a mess I didn't spill - that's very good but I'm sure I played my part.

    I like the end and I love the picture. I will return for a better review at somepoint.


  • HumanoidTom
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    Everything is amazing I can not believe something like firewater could even exist, but you made the impossible, possible. Danke.


  • Fug-azi
    December 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • notorious
    December 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love.

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    December 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply


    ♣

1 - 20 of 20