You Can't Fix Me, I'm Not Broken.

We are killing ourselves with the truths that we can’t hide.
The newest form of faith is defined suicide.
Realization is the top killer of humans these days,
God doesn’t exist, there are no reasons to pray.
Without a hope to continue,
We fall victims to our own minds,
And this is how I know God is a lie.

I’m not depressed, just smarter than most.
I don’t believe in heaven or hell, no spirits or ghosts.
I’m not happy with life, but I don’t want to die.
I’m just putting out the obvious,
In which most people are blind.

Though most can’t see,
I can truthfully say,
There’s no hope for humans,
Without a lie to betray.

Author notes

I just thought of this when I was driving. I just noticed how many suicides were dedicated to a lack of faith in something stronger than themselves. Now, that doesn't mean that I believe in god all of a sudden. It just makes me realize how much people actually rely on lies to full themselves through life without being depressed. We all WANT to think that when we die we're going to have another place. We all WANT to think that we just didn't fight so hard for something is just going to be forgotten. We all WANT to think that those we love so much are going to be there when we shut our eyes for the last time.

This makes me feel envious for those who believe in god, [not trying to insult anyone, I respect you for having opinions different from my own] because I would feel ignorant if I didn't feel or think this way, but I wouldn't mind being ignorant sometimes. I'm sure those who believe feel sorry for me. But I agree, Ignorance is bliss. That line always strikes a cord, because it's 100 percent correct.

However. Those who live like me. I applaud you. If we can fight through the horrifying, and depressing truth. We really are stronger than we feel. If we keep going un-wavered even though we feel that death is the end, that really is something. We are willing to face that which everyone else is afraid to face. Those who are the believers, and though I respect their thoughts, I still believe that they are lying to themselves for self preservation, which I find that I don't have to do. And thus I feel strong. I feel as if I can live through anything that happens during this short life, if I'm going to live life like this and stare at my ending, and watch them all die. And lose the one person I fear living without so much now that I have reoccurring nightmares. Though I'm not exactly WILLING to live without them, and I'm not willing to lose anyone. I still feel like the strongest person in the world knowing that I'm going to face this without any chance that after wards, they'll be there waiting for me.

I haven't committed suicide. And yet, I still have this grim outcome that so many others have not lived through. Congratulations Carissa, not only have you wrote a novel. You just became your own hero. And yet your enemy all in one.

To anyone who ends up reading this, I'm sorry. Hope I didn't offend you.