Turnings
By: Star of Atlantis
its funny how life tilts us
and turns us
and twists us
and dumps us out on our asses
sometimes it goes where we least expect it to
sometimes we find what we've lost
sometimes we gained what we never knew we needed
sometimes we loose things along the way
(then we find out later that may have been a good thing)
decisions we make take us in circles
and ripples
and disruptions
and life flows out effecting everything
we stand in a spider's web
one move in any direction and the threds are pulled
one move and we see things differently
one move and we can't go back
life changes every second
every moment
every breath
so we best take it and breath it in and live it!
A contest entry
- for my favorites by leander.
900 points, ended December 30, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please be very detailed in your coments and give me plenty to learn about how you view my piece. thank you.
Comments
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Forgot those
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In second stanza I would keep the first 'sometimes', but get rid of the other ones and work with a comma instead...
The same with fourth stanza - keep the first 'one move' and ditch the other two and put 'or' or something.
Apart from that, you did perfectly good!
Leander -
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thank you for the bronze on this one i am glad you liked it. welcome back. and i will look a bit closer at the changes you have sugested when i am not as in a hurry as i am now
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