Pain
cannot
be erased
with a single
waving of a hand.
Rotting, settling deep
within the core of the heart
until it bores holes to your soul,
pain imprisons your mind ruthlessly
leaving you defenseless against yourself.
~
Obscured in darkness, festering blindly,
reaching outward for signs of living
in a world filled with decayed rot;
soft whispers enter your head
and hands lay upon you.
As ache peels away
you recognize,
at long last,
there is
hope.
Author notes
P a l o s z o o (41)
In a list
- Bronze • next in list
- Etheree • next in list
- Gold • next in list
- Silver • next in list
- HM's • next in list
A contest entry
- Love and Other Four-Letter Words by charmander13.
700 points, ended December 10, 2008, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Keep holding on by Beauty Of Silence.
800 points, ended December 18, 2008, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Help me find my muse! by Chazz.
4500 points, ended December 27, 2008, 25 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites & I don't want crap by Ryno.
400 points, ended January 5, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark verses Light by Anemone-Rose.
500 points, ended January 29, 37 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My 5 year anniversary at AP! Something to move me by MightyBoosh.
550 points, ended January 18, 21 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My First EVER!! contest. enter please :D by Xxnightmare21xx.
650 points, ended January 20, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter your GOLD & SILVER prewrites here!! by perfectsunset.
1600 points, ended March 24, 55 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "MY AP FRIENDS" by rinzurajan.
700 points, ended May 11, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites contest!!!!!!!!!!!! enter!!!!! by foreveryourslove.
1120 points, ended November 9, 1072 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - New Inspiration by faithwhisperer.
900 points, ended November 22, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 60 of 60
-
Very beautifully formed, and a very important idea behind this...either pain does rot away, or we learn from the scars, and they transform us into who we need to become. Well done! Thanks for your entry!
faith
-
"I love the duality of this piece, both in layout and in general writing. The layout of this piece really added to the effect, especially since it singled out the primary focus of each half - pain and hope. And the reverse effect was a great idea as well. The only problem as far as flow goes that I find is the first half feels like one very long run-on." I agree. I couldn't have said this any better myself.
Thanks for entering this into my contest.
-
Wow. I can see why this has won so many trophies... it's just phenomenal. The layout only enhances the beauty of your words
Thankyou so much for entering, and I wish you the best of luck!
Maria
-
I love the duality of this piece, both in layout and in general writing. The layout of this piece really added to the effect, especially since it singled out the primary focus of each half - pain and hope. And the reverse effect was a great idea as well. The only problem as far as flow goes that I find is the first half feels like one very long run-on.
-
I sigh when I read this because I know this pain, well written here and with perfect formation for this form. Best to you in the contest
-
Lovely
This is a lovely piece. I love how short and simple it is, and yet so full of meaning. I also love the form of the words. Very thoughtful. Nicely done and thank you for entering! -
What a very thoughtfull and shapely piece of peotry, I really did feel the message that it contained.
Thank you so much for sharing this fine write.
-
thanks...wanted to do etheree and guess u kind of gave me an idea...
i loved the ray of hope amongst the benighted dark clouds...
Good luck
-
Nice work here! I really enjoyed this piece, it has a lot of powerful emotions in it. Great job and thanks for entering!
-
this has quite a trophy case, one that is well deserved. i loved the form and your ability to take a poem to the next level, thanks for entering
-
"There is hope." Well said. I like the piece overall, but the format is a bit distracting. It would do a lot a good to be in a more traditional set up.
_Cheers -
The structure and the way you kept it in the pyramid shape is so cool. The poem itself was good but it didn't dazzle me or make me feel anything. I think your diction was extremely well chosen and overall good job and good luck! ~Des
-
I love the format. Beautiful. The last part actually hit me so hard--- what an emotional piece.
s.sora -
Very clever and beautiful.
The last bit is my favourite bit.
As ache peels away you recognise, at long last, there is hope.
Jenny -
Wow, loved this.
I really enjoyed the form in particular
as well as all of the beautiful imagery
and well-compelled thoughts.
Thanks for entering & best of luck -
Very, very well done!
Congratulations on all your trophies; richly deserved
This is a great piece and I thank you so much for sharing this and entering my contest! -
"Pain
cannot
be erased
with a single
waving of a hand."
This summed it all up for me; really brings home just how quickly trust can be destroyed, and also, how fast you can inflict pain on someone, whether or not you mean to ...
Great job, I loved the form, and enjoyed how the poem ended so positively! Thanks for entering
-
Simply...
I must simply say.... ILOVETHISPOEM! Thanks for the valued entry.... GOODLUCKLOVE! -
i like the oxymora.. pain and hope and pretty cool shape poetry
thanks for entering and best of luck -
well writen
-
wow, your poem is amazing besides all your other awards i really liked the subject and the way you carried it out. i'm a real beginner and i dont do different forms so it always amazes me to see the talent writers have!!! GOOD LUCK and thanks for entering my contest!
-
I like the shape that you put the entire poem into. I also like the change in the tone. This is great!
-
Mm, double etheree with a reverse - nice. I like the stark, dark feeling and that the final line is one powerful word, "hope". Very good.
-
Nice etheree. Congratulations on all of the trophies. I like this because it has nice form and conveyes a message. Thank you for entering.
-
lovely write, i liked this. thank you for entering hope all is well
-
Your whole last part of your poem was my favorite. your poem flowed nicely. i really enjoyed. good luck in the contest.
-
Obscured in darkness, festering blindly,
reaching outward for signs of living
in a world filled with decayed rot;
soft whispers enter your head
and hands lay upon you.
has to be my favourite part. I love this. Too much for words. It's beautiful. Keep up the good work! -
aw wow this beautiful I can relate to your words to good luck in the contestmaralisa
-
i like how you formatted this poem. It fits in with the theme of the poem i think, lovely write
-
"Obscured in darkness, festering blindly,
reaching outward for signs of living
in a world filled with decayed rot;"
loved that part best.....interesting format and this poem evidences your skill as a poet....thank you for entering! -
wow..i like how uve begun with a 4 letter and enmded with one ! amzingg !!
paloszoo please read the rules -
This is absolutely beautiful...
Both in word and form!
Thanks so much for entering!
Write on!
-
ohhh very touching, beautiful i can relate to such a poem, well written. Luck in my contest.
-
Lovely, elegant, beautiful.
You did a fantastic job with this form, true perfection, and yes, we should always keep hope.
Thanks for entering. -
Thank you for kindly entering my contest!!!!
-
Lovely.... I love the way you've done this..
-
Although, I am personally not a big fan of forms, because I feel as though they really restrict me when I am writing, and I also have so much to learn about them...
...the Etheree is my favourite. I just love its shape and just the way it flows right off the page. This is no exception.
Simple, striking, and real. Many people have tried to word this theme in such a way, but there is something really strong about the way you have done it here.
Thanks for the entry. -
Yep, Ican see why...
This is a great write. This sets the bar high for us of course. I really like this one alot.
-
Beautiful write. You just blew me away. Congrats on all your trophys I'm sure there will be more to follow.
Laura
-
I locw this peom the entrie flow of it and shape poems are no easy task. This is one of the best I've seen
-
wow.
i love this mirrored form. it felt like the tension was building up as the lines grew smaller and smaller at the end.
and you managed all this while giving the reader great metaphors
thanks for entering and have a blessed new year
-
Wow, I'm sorry it took me so long to read this. I was just about to judge the contest when I noticed I had missed this poem! I love form poetry. As long as it's completely unique, it's wonderful! Thanks for your entry and your help!
-
Thank you for following my few simple contest rules - much appreciated!
As I'm sure you know, having won trophies for this piece already, this is a lovely poem. I think the added attention to detail in the structure of it is a nice addition.
Thank you so much for your entry & good luck in the contest -
I like the idea of this, there's always hope, even when you're in pain. Thanks for sharing.
-
Resilent! Deserving of the awards...a light at the end of long dark tunnel...from journey to destiny of blessed Hope...blessings
-
What a beautiful Etheree!
I totally suck at counting! Very well penned...thanks so much for your entry!
Write on!
-
i just opened this page, and i was like holy, this is gorgeous, the font and the shape of this piece, just beautiful i tell ya 
okay, about your poem, it was fantastic. i love the progress in this poem, it started out to be dark but there was light in the end. great write, keep pennig, and thanks for your entry Congratz on your gold too
All the best
-
good job
wonderful
i like the format
really got my interest
pain will som...
almost like water pollution
-
Good win!
wonderful write! I'll have to pass this on to my group - the DHS. well thought, well organized, well shaped, and beautifully spoken...if only we'd find more writes like these on AP
-
Loved how you shaped this poem
Wow, very creative how you've wrote this poem. Great style of writing and inspiring too. Good luck to you in this contest.
-
I like the way you got the poem to resemble a Christmas ornament. I don't usually like picture poems, but this one tickles me
As far as imagery goes, I like the image of the simple waving of the hand.
I don't like the use of two present participles in a row (rotting and settling). The action verbs are usually stronger. I think if you slightly reworded it, the metaphor of the pain boring into the soul would work better:
It settles deep
in the core of your heart
bores holes into your soul,
imprisons your mind
leaves you defenseless against yourself.
Of course, that would ruin the lovely image you created.
The only other criticism I have is this line:
in a world filled with decayed rot;
Decay is rot, so saying "decayed rot" is a needless redundancy
-
I wrote one like this! They're so much fun! I love looking back on things like this. A great write. Thanks for the entry and for your help!
-
Congrates On The Gold!
I like your style!
Keep on penning on, peace...
-Timothy aka poeticweaver
-
This really was amazing. I really really liked it. Good luck and well done.
-
I love it when people make shapes out of their poems, i find it can add so much more to it. This was very good! Thanks for entering!
-
i love this!!!!!!!!!!!!! you must not get how goood you r at writing???????????^^!!!!
-
I want to say this is one of your more darker poems but you got me at the end!
"pain imprisons your mind ruthlessly
leaving you defenseless against yourself"
Girl...this says so much to me! "defenseless against yourself" these three words reminds me that we are our worst keepers of our pain...things that have been done to us we carry with us and judge ourselves by those past things.
"soft whispers enter your head
and hands lay upon you"
A caring person with a good heart is all it takes sometimes to give us that little hope!
A little hope is all some of us need to peel away the darkness and bring in that faint light of tomorrow!
I could go on and on about this piece but Sis all I want to say is I loved it!
This poem could be called...Darkness with a touch of light!
best of luck in the contest
keep writing we need your beauty
-
Amazing... It all just comes together and with the message of triumph over pain, you captured this affliction with the expectation of Hope.
-
Brilliant. I love this. It's uplifting. To know there's hope is great.
-
Oh. My. God. Love this- love the form, love the words.. love everything.
There is such a simplicity and elegance in your verse- and yes, it was refreshing to have that ounce of hope thrown in at the end- it kinda puts things into perspective and makes everything (temporarily?) alright again huh?
Thank you so much for this wonderful entry and all the best to you!
Adding your comment:
1 - 60 of 60
