Limbs shake
and I release everything
I ever thought
I could love
Closed eyes but
my lids become transparent
I knew to well what you would do
My frown lines carved rivers into my face
and I felt gutted
Like that fish you caught
Gasping
Gulp
Gulp
eat me raw
Author notes
idk sis i suck
plain and simple..
this is how i feel?
he is gutting anything i ever was...
- written-in-ink
A contest entry
- I'm not sure. by etoile.
700 points, ended December 12, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
astroturf?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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this isn't my fav by you, but it's still really really good. i like the imagery, especially in the beginning. the closed transparent eyelid idea was brilliant, loved that part the best. the ending wasn't my favourite, but it fit with the title and the gutted fish idea, which i liked.
thanks for entering and goodluck
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OMG- again, incredibly good. And all you want to say is said in SO few words.
The last line is genius.
Great stuff!
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=]]
thank you
<33
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Like the way you convey the feeling of not being able to escape. Transparent eyelids are always creepy! :]
The frown carved in face part makes me think you're the anti-joker.
The ending is a bit weak, though. But I think you know that. ; -
oh no!! i love this but its so sad. i lvoe ur metaphors and pictures
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thank you so much
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Wow.
this is fabulous.
I'm speechless.
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aww
thank you honey
<33
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