This hatred fills me.
I don't know why.
I want to dream
In peace tonight.
But a shattered face
Haunts me despite
The effort I make
To drown it with light.
Everything's dark
And I am cold.
A face I can see
A face uncontrolled.
This dream is a nightmare.
The name my mind
Seems to withhold
If only I could remember
What's the name?
There's a name with this face
So depressed, looking so pained
To look at it is agonizing
Just breaks my heart
It scares me.
What is this I've seen?
And why do I loathe?
Haunting my memories,
A ghost from the past,
Though I do not remember
Exactly it's act.
I know that it hurt,
And I've tried to forget
Just what's been done.
But the hatred I feel
Keeps this memory alive
Forget you I may
But forgive I can not.
Then the memory
Still survives.
And on my hatred
Oh how it thrives!
This miserable face,
I hate it so
It needs to leave!
GO! GO! GO!
I cannot forgive
I cannot forget
This awful face
It makes me cringe
It's presence I deny
I feel displaced
And filled with sin.
I sigh with despair
Looking away
From the bathroom mirror,
I put on some makeup,
Wipe away the tears
And then I realize
It was me the whole time
That face that I fear
this sad little face
In this sad little rhyme.
It was me the whole time.
Author notes
"I might forget you, but not forgive"
Option 10
A contest entry
- I might forget you, but not forgive..... by Paloszoo.
700 points, ended December 16, 2008, 29 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Odd........(CLICK ME) by Jaffa-.
510 points, ended February 6, 29 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I just thought that i'd take this time looking through my finalists to drop a quick note to say just how much i enjoyed your poem and to give you a huge well done for getting into my top three.
So Brilliant write, thanks so much for the write and well done.
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Thank you!
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Very very very well written. That was so powerful, you kept me hooked the whole time. Absolutly amazing write. The emotions were just raw. So much pain, hatred. The flow was brilliant and it had a rythm that just couldn't be compaired. I'm absolutly awestruck.If i wasn't so loadmouthed i'd be lost for words.
'That face that I fear
this sad little face
In this sad little rhyme.
It was me the whole time.'
That part was so powerful it almost blew me off my chair and sent me flying across the room.
'This miserable face,
I hate it so
It needs to leave!
GO! GO! GO!'
And this part i loved, strong words, emotion filled words. Amazing write and thanks so much for the chance to read this. Although i am truely sorry if you do feel that way. If you ever need to talk i'll always be here, a shoulder to cry on and a helping hand. If you ever need it yeah, Just tap a quick message. Wishes of awesomeness.... xoxo -
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Oh goodness, no. I do not feel this way. At least I think I don't. People have told me that they can hear me speaking in it. Probably because I wrote it!! But I used to feel this way. Not too long ago. But the emotions and the thoughts and the feelings have been there. I am trying to move past the depression that I dealt with all through high school and such. A *New Year's Resolution* I have this year is to write more happy poems, at least two or three a week. I think I'm doing alright with that...
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It's not really good for anyone to have ever felt this way about themselves, but at least your feeling better now which is absolutly amazing . This was a truly breathtaking write and i definatly wish to read more of your work when i get the chance. Anyway, the offer still stands if you do ever need a stranger to cry to Have a great new years then
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well, no. It's never a good thing to feel this way. but more or less, it's like I hid this destructive self hating person inside of me--and only I knew it was there. During the day, I could pretend that this person didn't exist. But at night, i would sit and think of all sorts of destructive things, basically planning my own... demise I suppose you could say... But I'm much better now, and I'm getting better all the time.
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Well thats awesome
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Now this was really raw and filled with angst. I could really relate to it. Very creative piece! Thanks so much for entering my contest. I’m honored to have you show your work here. Good luck in the contest!
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Your Welcome!
Your quote inspired me, and I sort of ran with it. It just brought a lot of emotions to the surface that needed expressed.
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i really like this one...u can feel the pain jst by reading it...i can relate...
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A sad heart breaking write...just breaks my heart... much love and blessings may Gods love shine on you and may your heart sing for joy..
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This flows really well for being so nightmarish - I think we can all relate to this!
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There is a lot of pain here, but you've displayed it in such a wonderful way it is almost bittersweet to read it. I love this and think that you did a great job here... Thank you for being able to write and share this and good luck in the contest.
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Wow ! !
So much pain in this poem
I hope all is ok and I wish you well in this contest 
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All could be better. But I can't complain
Thank you! I thought these feelings were gone... You know, not liking myself and things that I've done... And then realized how much I hate myself sometimes. I like the person I can pretend to be. I don't like the raw, emotional, sad side of me. And I hate it. And try to forget it, but I can't forgive what I've done... And my ever curious mind knows that there has to be a reason for hating myself, and it goes deep into my mind to the drawer labeled "FORGET IT!" and finds the reason, and puts it in the drawer labeled "OH! NOW I REMEMBER!" and makes me feel miserable.
So... In a nutshell, I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that until I accept that side of me, this is going to keep happening to me, pushing me in and out of depression. -
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You judge yourself to harshly dear friend...
New International Version.
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were yet sinners Christ die for us.
If God in his love has found it in his heart to forgive us...then please, please learn to forgive yourself...
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Well...
Perhaps I do... I don't know. Some days I feel like I'm just putting on a show all the time. And then people point out to me the times when I don't think I'm pretending... And I realize that I wasn't, and it was a good thing. But most of the time, I feel like I'd rather curl myself into a corner and hide from the rest of the world. That way, I wouldn't have to lie to anyone. I wouldn't have to pretend. It would be so much easier... Not. I can't resist talking. I try to keep the frivolous things from coming out of my mouth, but I would be a very painful person if that were the case. So many people would love me then.
On the positive side, I know that God loves me. I'm trying to look at it like this: God loves me. God loves everyone. God wants me to love everyone, not on my own, but with His love, with His help. We humans tend to like the word "hate." With God, there is no such word. He loves all. And when we let God and His love in, it allows us to love others, with His help.
I need to look at myself as a child of God... Not as... well... myself. If I were not me, I would be another person, and looking at myself (from God's eyes) I am a lovable person. And I suppose I should love myself. It's hard to love myself when I'm mad at myself... So, for now, I have to let God love me. I can love others with God's help. It's harder to love myself when I know my flaws. Especially when I know whether I'm hiding them or not.
Others can't see
What happens inside of me,
And they can't see
Just who I am.
They can assume and they can dream.
But in the end I am only me.
And I will only let you see,
What I should be.
Because if I let you see the real me,
You may just stop calling me friend.
Now I realize,
God has not left me,
But God is my father, He's bound to love.
He will get angry and frustrated
Up there above.
We children are well, stupid.
Immature and ignorant
Of His gifts and love
Of the heart that He gives.
I know that He loves me
But I can't love myself
When I am living
In my own personal Hell
My closet of secrets
Is growing quite full
But if I unleash them
There will be horrors untold
Humiliation at most
For many at least
But I will become
A silly cruel beast
If I let the anger, built up inside
Out in the yard, they will keep me tied
For I am no good from inside to out
Only skin deep, inside I doubt.
I try to be good, I try to be kind
But inside there is a black, thick vicious vine
Choking the good, watching it die.
I can't get it out, this stupid dark cloud,
It follows me about, around me it shrouds
Leave me alone you dark ugly cloud.
But it won't, It hasn't.
It won't. Oh well.
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Hiya, this here is what the apostle Paul wrote under inspiration from God it is taken from the New International Version
[I hope this helps you to understand what you are experiencing andfeeling.]
Struggling With Sin.
Romans 7:14-25.
14 We know the law is spritual; but I am unspritual, sold as a slave to sin.
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do. I do not, but what I hate I do.
16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.
17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.
18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.
For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing.
20 Now if I do what I don't want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.
22 For in my inner being I delight in Gods law
23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.
24 What a wretched man I am! who will rescue me from this body of death?
25 Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to Gods law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
I am leaving you these scriptures to read and ponder in your thoughts. See if you can get the meaning of what Paul a disciple of Christ Jesus is telling us.
I hope you get the spiritual understanding regards what you are experiencing and hope it helps you to realise that you are not alone. I will call by next week to share your thoughts on these scriptures and I do hope that you draw comfort from them.
We all fall short in many ways...remember this applies to everyone we are all battling sinful tendecies to do what is right...the thing is...at least we are trying.
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