It all started with your blog
your intensity roped me in
with word after word you called
I eagerly responded, first fall
Without delay I forced fed you
the lines of my heart in rhyme
with a sultry twist I sprang for you
like a deer caught in headlights-two
Hitching a ride for the great divide
I stumbled headfirst into your domain
you being cleverly fixed like a statue stick
gave me pause for the cause of your bic
Notwithstanding it all, I cavorted still
wrapped in your gestures and verbiage
I steadily came, like one that is insane
umbrella-less in the swift falling rain
Such a gentleman; wretchedly sweet
you welcoming me, despite my attire
how you made me feel, made me spin
cuing me into your heart, fertile bin
You never asked me to leave, wow
though I lingered long past visiting hours
clutching your frame with greedy grips
you just held on tight to both my hips.
Author notes
As long as your piece contains the journey that love is, then you are allowed to take that anyway you wana go with it.
In a list
A contest entry
- How many miles would you go? by JackFellDown.
475 points, ended January 10, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Feel Free...
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Not a bad effort! Two (well, three, actually!)commenters with 6 applause (perfect score) and a bronze trophy! I like everything here except... ... ... ... the title I understand the allusion to the fire in your heart... but it seems that there is a title which could encompass the passion and the online aspect of the story. I haven't thought of one yet... but I think it's there!
-
-
Because I like you so incredibly much, I'm going to amend the title, I hope you like this my next of choices, holler back please and let me know if some improvement has been made...okay? I look forward to hearing from you and by the way thanks for your exceptional review lots of love
-
-
Haha very nice
You have quite the way with words I must say. I LOVED the articulate way you describe things. That is most certainly a journey, and I agree with your author note, =] You definently hit the point there.
"Without delay I forced fed you
the lines of my heart in rhyme
with a sultry twist I sprang for you
like a deer caught in headlights-two"
That is amazing. Quite a display of well crafted poetry. The structure is sweet and could be spoken very easily. Almost I would say like slam poetry. Very well done.
-
Wow, I love this on-line romance! Talk about distance --- nothing quite like the NET for true distance!
-
-
Valid and awesome point...thanks
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
