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[Lullaby]

earth in my hair
and fire in my kisses
I would hold you
like a mountain holds a forest of lost wishes
and I'd sing
just to breathe again
to touch your heart with mine again
and maybe
just maybe then
I'd live


Author notes

The only lyrics I've ever written (about 10 years ago), unfinished.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • etoile
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    i love the imagery in this. it's beautiful. these are amazing lyrics, i like them, even the rhyming which i usually dont like all that much.

    thanks for entering and goodluck


  • JustBe gold member
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Pow!

    This is good. Passionate and unified. Definitely the best you have posted so far. It absolutely deserves a title. Keep going to this place when you write. Stuff will come out of you that you never knew was even there, and you'll have sheets and sheets of paper that will fly in the face of the idea that what you feel in the pit of you is any less valid than the body you inhabit. Others will read it and be moved by your honest truth, and you will come to know that among all the billions of people who have ever lived and died, what you have to offer is real, valuable, and needed.

    Stuff you might consider:
    I would lose "and" from L2 and L5. Can't decide whether or not you could improve on "heart" from L7, so I'll just wonder out loud.

    You should enter this as a pre-write somewhere. My guess is you'd win something.

    Keep it up.
    ~Morgan


    • gazecatcher
      December 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks. I think "heart" sounds pretty cheesy, so maybe I can work on that. As for the "and," it might not read so well, but it fits nicely in the melody I wrote so I'll keep that. The melody is quite beautiful. Wish I could sing.


  • poetrandy
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very nice!

    Emotional and a great set of images! A short poem with a real statement and filled with feeling! Very good expression of your feelings! Good work!

  • Afxb
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The chorus of a great song!
    This is lovely

    and deserves verses that tell a bit of a story


    • gazecatcher
      December 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the compliments. I hope I can get back to this song at some point.

1 - 6 of 6