Roaring flames consume all guilt,
no regrets.
Anger beats down depression,
now a meek whisper.
All that's felt is the heart pumping blood,
pumping rage.
Burning fury harms all,
no one is safe.
Vision bathed in red the color of violence,
the color of fear.
Pain is no longer a safeguard,
now it's fuel.
Madness takes control,
save me. Please.
A contest entry
- These Feelings I Feel by Lagrimas.
563 points, ended December 7, 2008, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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woww.
i think you portrayed exactly what blind rage is so clearly. and the final plea to be saved from becoming blinded by it is really effective after showing exactly what youre up against.
this is really good!
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Angers Fuel
I liked this. The scattered, yet threaded, images it provides reminds me of how I felt in my divorce. Seemingly aimlessly angery, but more concentrated and precise in my fury. Great write, thank you and good luck.
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I've read a lot of things that sound like this... I like it. Don't get me wrong, but I think that it needs an image that is carried without. Something to ground the reader in some type of reality. A poem needs a line of that denotes to where this is taking place. Even just a word.
Put us there when this "strongest emotion" takes place.
Make us see what exactly is going on. Without that it will leave readers a little unsure of what you are talking about.
That is my only suggestion.
-Dani -
the alternating long and short lines made this feel almost like a haiku, oddly enough.
the 'save me. Please.' as the last line is great. it's like the last coherent thought before control is lost.
i really like the part about depression being a meek whisper ((if i interpreted that right. hm...))
besides the good word choice, all your spelling and grammar is dead on. you have no idea how much i appreciate that. >.< -
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Really, a haiku? Interesting concept. Thank you very much.
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This is really good!!
It's descriptive and full of anger, which obviously was the intention...
Anger beats down depression,
now a meek whisper.
I love those two lines... it proves that depression is not the al encompassing issue people so oftyen see it as!
Great write from you. -
awesome write. very good thoughts for being in a classroom.
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this seems to fill my head with silence from such the loud words good work!
Anubis Blessings DW
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