I want you to understand
Let there be no mistake
This wasn't temporary
Nor was it in haste
Our life was spent in pain
sweat and tears
Surrounded by love
lasting over the years
Times were hard
Not like now
You must understand
just how
There were no cars
Not a single one
Just walking to church
wasn't much fun
Dirt for floors
and cracks in the roof
Shoes for horses
nailed into hoofs
Everything was hand made
even my pipe
The old rocker would break
but, who am I to gripe
I loved her
more then my next breath
Now she is gone
This picture is all I have left
.
A contest entry
- Old Man Photo Prompt by OldBear34.
1000 points, ended December 16, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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This is a touching write, I can see why it won gold. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, this picture is worth many, many thousands of words.
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This is absolutely beautiful, and I can see why it won a gold. The passage of time is picturesque, and I've lived through the loss you have described, watched my father and brother-in-law each lose the loves of their lives -- this picture could have been either of them. Well-done!
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Beautiful. I last line is very hard-hitting, and I loved the sincerity in the line: 'more then my next breath'... The rhymes were well formed, and the flow was well controlled. A good read!!
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Beautiful poem of loves and loss and the circle of life. I like the way you crawled into the skin on an older man and remembered what is most important...love. Write on, poet
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CUte. thanks for sharing and I will be looking these over more closer to the end of the contsest.
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Wonderful take on the prompt, love the way you progressed over time, the ending so sad, but true for so many.
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Thank you
The aging population discovers anew each day how horrible it is to lose a loved one. A friend just lost her Aunt, and then a week later her Father and just a day ago her Nephew committed suicide.
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Good luck in the cntest. I really like reading this but it made me feel sad.
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Good Flow
Your poem reads really well, but where she came from is hard to tell. Anyway with its unforced rhym and great flow its a great effort.
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Thank You
I guess I can only answer that she came from my heart. I lost my gal 2 years ago.
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An interesting presentation...a feminine pretty-pink background...to caption the photograph of two elderly gentlemen...denotes the writer is perhaps balanced within his feminine and masculine yin and yang... the reference to walking to church not being much fun denotes the lack of need to tackle any trial to pay testament...if the walk is too hard then it is not worth the walk of the walk...maybe hooves instead of hoofs...maybe not...entirely up to you as to how you prefer more than one shoe shod...maybe leave a space before end line of poem and page to allow the poem to resonate...maybe not...I am just a rambling aloud...I can tell from your recent collab with Rickerby that you both have a future publishing together...it was singularly the best poem I've read either of you write...after the love of your life...there is a future married to the creativity between you and Rickerby...books that speak with both of your voices and life choices...hope that makes your heartsmile after your loss...I see you...like the Witcheta lineman...aligned for all time...
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Wow...nice comment Yvette!
Thanks. Mark is a remarkable poet, who I must confess is much better than I. His tendency is towards political poems and for that, he has captured a market share very few tend to enter. His alter ego is probably Aris, another gifted poet.
Both share opposite views from each others and are good reading in an of themselves (if you are non-judgemental).
A future publishing with Mark? Hmmm.... thats interesting! His talent far exceeds mine. His form, display of verbage, and substance are unequaled in his chosen venue. Perhaps I display more towards the romance side, but he shows genuine feeling in all his writings. Gifted man whom I envy for his abilities.
I recommend everyone read Mark Rickerby!
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Aw, the last stanza is very sad.
I do like the way you build up to the conlcusion, though. This character seems a bit out of place in today's society, which is well expressed I think.
Cool work!
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Such a gorgeous and sad poem. Love is such a magical and wonderful thing. But never is a love like this lost, but treasured in the memories and hearts of those it had touched.
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its a wonderful write, can feel your loss here in these words..the memories which are just simple at the moment but can moist any eye if remembered with that sense..
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Thank You Susan
Your comments show a terrific grasp of English! Good for you! Wish I had your language talent!
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so sad & well written thank you for sharing
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wow
this is a wonderful,but sad poem of a lost love, I felt his pain and struggles with emotions as he to grows old, pretty awesome poem
Voe
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Thank you Voe
Very nice of you. I wanted to try to express the loss of the love of your life and this picture certainly was an opportunity to do so. I lost my gal, just 2 years ago and so, althought i hope to have another love so strong, it certainly was hard
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