The Sun has long sunk in the West,
I must press on, and do my best;
For I have yet so far to go,
Before I rest by Fire's glow.
I have pushed my old life behind,
The Light is bright; no more I'm blind.
And when at last I reach the Sea,
My Soul will know that I am free.
The salty surge of sweeping surf,
I'll lie upon the cool green turf,
Gaze up at Stars in velvet Sky,
I'll claim my Wings, and then I'll fly.
The Orchard will shine, pink and gold,
I'll watch the soft Blossoms unfold,
And as I breathe their sweetest smell,
In Peace and Love, at last I'll dwell.
The Sun has long sunk in the West,
I must press on, and do my best.
I'll fix the wrongs, I'll pay the price,
Until I earn my Paradise.
Author notes
Option Two: Word Prompt
6) Life
A contest entry
- How many miles would you go? by JackFellDown.
475 points, ended January 10, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Huge points, huge options (Now with a free membership!) by Meroza.
16000 points, ended January 5, 115 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Free Yourself. by Walking Oxymoron.
700 points, ended January 21, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - very tough contest :P (don't just sit and enjoy your holidays without poetry ) by abuyi.
1400 points, ended February 22, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Only by wingsofgold25.
700 points, ended January 28, 75 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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this is a very nice sonnet. i enjoyed reading it.. just pondering in thoughts i am asking.. if the sun is already sunk in the west then which light is bright that your are no longer blind?
thanks for entering such a inspiring write and best of luck.
regards
abuyi -
Amazing
An excellent write I see nothing I would change.
The rhyme scheem was excellent .
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
ED. -
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Thanks so much
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very soulful
It is a lovely poem full of hope, I have something similar about my dreams for the future. -
Blimey! At 14 this is a truly incredible write!
The rhyming is great, the imagery rocks and the meter is cool...
I'd love to know what inpsired you to write this...
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Aww thank you for such a nice comment
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This is very good, and I wish you the best of luck in this contest. This is a very apt description of life, and it is saddening in all of its' truth. I wish i could give you a smiley, but I have no more.
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Impressive vision in rhyme! Thanks for playing along.
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I love the ending, and how part of it is a repetative line. I really love how you did so well with rhyming because it honestly can be terrible trying to find a word that rhyms, fits, and impacts. Great write, sorry for the contest judging delay, and good luck.
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Thank you so much for your lovely comment Ginger
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Amazing. Thanks for entering.
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Wow! What can I say?
"I'll fix the wrongs, I'll pay the price,
Until I earn my Paradise."
Something we all have to do. This end the piece well. I wouldn't change a thing.
Keep it up! -
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Hehe thanks again Erin
You have a great day!
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Wow
That is a very nice read, the rhyme to it was supurb. It is quite a journey to take, and the imagery of it is fantastic.
"I'll fix the wrongs, I'll pay the price,
Until I earn my Paradise"
This line really ends it well, I will fix the wrongs and pay the price, as long as reward is paradise. Very nice. This definently belongs here.
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Thanks so much
peace x
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I really enjoyed the flow of this poem, like a fantasy adventure. I especially liked the last two lines: I'll fix the wrongs, I'll pay the price/Until I earn my Paradise. Great finish!
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Thank you Hawkeslake for such a thoughtful comment, so nice of you
Hope you are having a lovely day!
peace to you ♥
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omg! i absolutely love this!! definitely my personal fave
the repetition of "the sun has long sunk in the west, i must press on and do my best" is really effective
the descriptions are really good and make me want to be there
e.g. this stanza is brilliant:
The salty surge of sweeping surf,
I'll lie upon the cool green turf,
Gaze up at Stars in velvet Sky,
I'll claim my Wings, and then I'll fly."
i also really like this stanza:
"I have pushed my old life behind,
The Light is bright; no more I'm blind.
And when at last I reach the Sea,
My Soul will know that I am free." it makes the reader wonder what has happened in the persons past and where they are going
keep up your wonderful writes
xxxx
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Taz - thank you dear friend.
Your thoughtful, sweet comments mean the world to me
x x x -
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