The girl sings to her scabs,
and forms a religion with the water
that pours from her teacup.
She feels tortured from worshipping vitamins,
and is punished by the paint on the walls,
and the colors of the furniture.
She thinks the sun harasses her
for her "blond hair" and "blue eyes",
and the moon is the anti-christ
that killed her parents in their sleep.
Maybe paranoia is a faith on its own,
in the dark, at a carnival of ghosts
who make crowded empty spaces
a place to dream and die - - -
there's a city of sin and salvation
where she walks along the cold streets,
kissing clouds with her eyes closed,
and feeling the rain against her soul.
What is redemption worth in dollars,
and what can money buy as
the sun spills itself into the horizon
What is life behind shadows, when
stars crash into clocks, and smiles are erased
from sidewalks, where children used to color
their hearts with chalk, and pigeons
chimed along with the hour of noon.
A contest entry
- Poetry That Matters by Cupcrazy.
3500 points, ended February 6, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - NO MORE ENTRYS. by Ginger Woods.
700 points, ended January 1, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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This was fascinating. I was amazed by some of your descriptions of her condition. "a carnival of ghosts that make crowded empty spaces"---what a phenomenal description of paranoia. I really thought you showed a profound insight into her mind and characterized her well. I find the message to be a bit dark, though. Even behind the shadows life is still life, so the end was a bit disturbing for me. This was loaded with intriguing phrases and twisted images. Really well done.
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This piece is jam packed with unique phrasing and imagery. Great use of metaphor and you managed to lace it with just the right amount of emotion. Dark and compelling work here, thank you for your great entry, I enjoyed it immensely. Hugs, Bunny
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Cool write
I'm very pleased to have stumbled upon someone whose writing I can relate to - not necessarily in lexis or content, but in style and ...well, perhaps in content.
I like the subjects you draw upon - the cartoon-esque last stanza really made me smile. I might suggest watching your puncuation though. Thank you for sharing it with Allpoetry.
Sarah
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An amazing write, this is the type of wording in a poem I hope to one day be able to write, I love how you pick up so many random thing's and throw it in here like "when stars crash into clocks". One of the best poem's of this contest I've read so far, you have an excellent chance in this contest, thank you so much for entering :
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