sometimes I shift

            I  watch couples that i never notice until the snow falls or its close to christmas time, perfect little families going to stores playing outside together in front of their precious homes,I hate everything about them because they hold something ill never find.                         

            I pay attention to everyone around me when i am in a public place or sitting at the bar, One person to screw up , act like a total idoit to make me feel alittle better about life so i can atleast smile alittle on my way to the car.

            I dont always stay sad or say depressing shit,actually Im pretty funny with a good attitude and a smart sense of humor, but when I come across somebody that makes me wanna care or reminds me of how everything with me is shit well then sometimes I shift.

           I have alot of friends or atleast thats what most call themselves,even in high school i seemed to be the life of the party and a crowd around me, what I lacked in looks i made up for in humor, but as I grow older things arent real funny and when the lonilness sets in well then sometimes I shift.

             I could go on and on about what I didnt get in life and what I didnt deserve to get, I could tell you the only things i ever did right in my life was my children but i screwed that up too,I could whine and pout ,I could almost feel sorry for myself and hope my surgery makes everthing  go away but you know one look from my sons eyes well then sometimes I shift.