Tears slice down my cheeks
While hatred envelopes me
My mind screams
As my control crumbles.
A stare at the mirror
And struggle against the pain
Throbbing within me
Grieving, I'm not good enough.
Imperfections increase
Everything else subsides
Appearance; displeasing
Mind; Unintelligent.
Craving to shatter this feeling
I search for more
But theres only torment and emptyness
Where my reflection should be.
A contest entry
- Twist Me. Seduce Me. Entice Me. by SheWasPreternatural.
900 points, ended December 4, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Misfits Enter Here ~ If You Dare by nichtmich.
1750 points, ended December 19, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comment please
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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"Craving to shatter this feeling"
luved that line.
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"White hatred envelopes me" is my favorite line here, I enjoy the color/emotion analogy. Thank you for your entry.
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great usage of words and a very vivid write, well done
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the power of "Am I good enough?" is shown so well here. good write
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"Craving to shatter this feeling"
I don't know why but I love that line
This is truly a dark and intense write
But also an amazing one
Wow
Well done and keep writing
xx
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"Tears slice down my cheeks." Fairly innovative description of crying that made me imagine knife slices down the cheeks with salty tears flowing through and burning the open wound.
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this is so dark and painful, powerful and lovely. i love the conflict you portray.
this is a beautiful piece that i really enjoyed reading.
your Faerie
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so much conflict...
the meter is pretty unremarkable but the words themselves are great, full of impact and emotion.
maybe consider breaking up the spacing and making the line lengths choppier? -
How depressing... you could add a touch of 'dirty pretty' to this, and make it stand out.
Other than that, it's sad you feel this way. It's an amazing write- and I;'m loving the last stanza.
And if this write is anything to go by, lady- then you ARE good enough. -
nice
i really like that alot thats really dark and intence.... read my poems -
had me all the way til the end and something about the very last line just didnt sit too well. i think it needs a different forming of words.
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Doppleganger?
I just looked in your mirror, and i saw myself.
I'm glad to find a like-minded poet. Good write.
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overall i quite like this poem ^-^
one issue:
Craving to assassinate this feeling
"craving to assassinate" is a little weird word choice wise. i really, really, really like "But theres only torment and emptyness/Where my reflection should be."
again, on word choice: envelopes...i can't make up my mind if that's really good or really awkward. maybe something other than "hatred envelopes". i dunno. try reading those two bits aloud, maybe you'll see what i mean?
but in terms of EPIC:
Grieving, I'm not good enough
and
the entire third stanza
are quite excellent :3
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