City night in winter
all the heat is close to the ground
where steam vents make clouded curtains
and neon paints the town, a down and dirty red
trash unveils the winds and broken glass
makes darkness sparkle
traffic is a sea surging and halting
in waves and eddies of swirling sound,
movement is everywhere the eye is caught;
heel points make staccato calls, bodies
weave like supple reeds, to and fro...
there is beauty in the night
all for the right pairs of eyes
and I watch as city lights flash
to fill the window glass between me and
dull roars of humanity piled in a place.
I listen and wonder if it is really so busy
or does everyone float by twice...
A contest entry
- flicker by Death of the Author.
1000 points, ended December 11, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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trash unveils the winds and broken glass
makes darkness sparkle - really good lines
I like the intermitent rhyme throughout. Thanks for your entry
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I think the imagery in this poem make this one of my favorites by you PK. There is so much to like about the subtle alliterations in this as well. You were just on the verge of having me think there would be a rhyme in there, but stopped short with the perfect sounds and left us wanting more of the crisp winter imagery.
It's a great poem and I do hope you find yourself with a trophy on this one. It's certainly worthy.
Kim
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Nicely written and flowing words... dreamlike, almost psychedelic to me. I think it is good, the format of the overall poem could be modified, in my opinion. Maybe make it all one length, with no line breaks... or try to make it a bit more symmetrical.
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This is great.I love the depth to this every line sends you whirling in another thought and meaning.Great job and good luck in the contest.
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