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Deep Thoughts

Missing image

I bow my head deep in thought
As my mind crawls through
All my discordant emotions
Struggling to pull up from
The bottomless pit

Drowning in the darkness
Gasping for air trying
Not to drown as I try
To grab the life raft
That I can't get a tight grip on

Slipping through my fingers
Seeing light when I look up just fading
As I fall deeper within the ominous hole
My mind wails while trying to fight its own war
Armed at combat eager to call truce

My emotions sit at the table of council
Doing their own litigations
Day in and day out
With no break for lunch
And many times missing dinner

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

" Let It Rock "
hotchocolate


The pictures used with this write I don not claim as my own. Pictures found on google images.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • Sharitti
    March 4

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    Wow!!! I love how your wording paints such a vivid picture in my mind as I read it. The flow of your writing is so beautifully written with such great emotion.Thank you for entering.


  • Stormy Days
    February 1

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    the picture go's with the poem i like the whole thing wonderful write i can fell what it means full of thoughts amazing show of emotion

  • Dark Otter
    January 12

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    Isn't that you?

    The picture does look like like. Nice presentation as a total package: picture, type colors and poem. It is good to see you grwoing and doing some risk taking with what look like an emotional insight into yourself. A poet needs to examine him/herself to find what motivates and makes them feel. A well done poem, Hot Chocolate.


  • nobodys-girl silver member
    January 2

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    wow...i honestly felt like i was drowning as i read this. you did an amazing job showing the emotions. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!

  • ASmileForYou
    December 11, 2008
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    This was good, but I do not feel like the last two lines do this poem justice.

  • Glasyalabolas
    December 8, 2008

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    To me this is a very strong insight into how emotions can pull us down into depression and no matter how hard we fight, we feel that we are sinking further.

    Good write.


  • Lagrimas
    December 7, 2008

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    Deep thoughts

    I like the concept but the sentence structure kind of left me back tracking to make sure I got the meaning right. Good write, thank you and good luck.

  • MyLadysKnight
    December 5, 2008

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    Discordant emotions happen too often making thinking and decision making difficult. This is a wonderful poem and like it very much.


  • Levesta
    December 5, 2008
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    WOW THIS WAS GREAT SIS

  • Jeremy0826 gold member
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is brilliant and such a beautiful
    piece! Something different and unique
    from you my friend. Well done and all
    the best to you in this contest! I hope
    that you do well with it.




    Jeremy0826


  • greeny
    December 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i wish,i also wrote this.. yeah, you rock it hot mama!!!


  • Desire gold member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Holy Moly~

    Oy~ I thought I might have commented on this Where did my noggin go
    Powerful Voice Beautiful and Love how You versed this~

    My emotions sit at the table of council
    Doing their own litigations
    ...grabs Spirit hard and Excellently worded
    I imagine there are others who could relate for the message hits hard~
    speaks volumes
    For some reason I am nudged to say-
    there are times the belly goes hungry and a rumbling could be heard but when Light is inhaled- it satiates to the point of fullness-
    it is not greedy to bathe in the Light- especially when You deliver the Gift to others-
    so they themselves do not go hungry

    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
    Best wishes in the contest too
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~


  • darell
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Intense!

    An extremely intense probing of
    the inner sanctum. Girl breathe.lol
    Seriously though, this was a kind of
    tug of war with ones self.
    A rapid refiring of thoughts that
    seem to ignite a lot of drama.
    Very interesting indeed


  • Keith Drew
    December 2, 2008

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    Now this is the woman i see within!
    Why have you been hiding all of this time?
    Behind your sexuality.
    I am so glad to see that you know you are worth much more than that.
    X
    This poem is the best that you ever wrote.


  • Beret55 silver member
    December 2, 2008

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    That is a very good write. Very diffrent from your usual poems. I loved it. And as usual well done..


  • theredcatjazzoflove gold member
    December 2, 2008

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    this was cool i enjoyed it and it was something different writing in different areas will keep you fresh n your favorite dont get like me lol right now i hate erotic this was nice it doesn't even erect me lol


  • Danny Beatty silver member
    December 1, 2008

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    you have a lovely group of stanzas of five lines each, strictly adhered to as shown by the first line of stanza three enjambed from stanza two ... symmetry is not always necessary in poetry and I think this poem would be even stronger without the enjambment, for this would allow a space extra, for the reader, and give great emphasis to the important third stanza ... but that is a matter of taste, only, as the enjambed line is actually the root of the poem ... i find I can read this backwards with practically no change in flow or meaning and that is remarkable.

    I thought your last two lines were a nice shift in tone and were amusing in a wonderful, dark sort of way, complete with double entendre

    this is a quite wonderful poem ... i read it four times, and found that with each reading I found a tone and beauty very much like that of the pic ...

    nice


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    December 1, 2008

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    The depth in which your words flow just will relaxes the mind, keep it flowing, please, keep it flowing


  • Ms Sexy silver member
    December 1, 2008
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    This is deep i like lady

  • Maxboy gold member
    December 1, 2008

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    A very moving write sweet girl, when our world is closing in on us, it is a constant battle to keep our thoughts from dragging us down.

    Sweet thoughts to you sweet lady.

  • NonSense - 2PhLi
    December 1, 2008

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    This was a very heartfelt work of poetry i appreciated the imagery of the struggles, very well portrayed

  • Swangrnv gold member
    December 1, 2008
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    deep thoughts

    very well expressed..one of your very finest works my friend, bravo.


  • penman gold member
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Wow, this piece has such a beautiful flow to it. So very wonderfully expressed. And captures such powerful emotions.

1 - 24 of 24