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He who was ( HM )

Contempt of a heart,

violated.

 

Imprisoned

cardboard box hides the secrets..

 

Deception fools only you,

vision clouds sight.

 

Stale voice stutters,

breaded by the loaf left in crumbs..

 

The Rook feeds on your lies,

for he is the predator.

 

Seek not, I will run under shadows of night,

where the moon carves his deadly shades.

 

Mind,

craves the bottled poison..

 

I die inside.

Author notes

http://photodream.deviantart.com/art/Hiding-104203807

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Rose Angel gold member
    December 12, 2008

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    Vivid portrayal of a life that has hit the bottom..dark, and sad...Your word choices make the imagery alive yet stark realities linger through it...Well deserved trophy, only it justified a gold or silver....excellent penning!


  • Midnite wolf gold member
    December 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow, i really love this, an amazing dark write that you have penned hun. congrats on the shiney. x x


  • chilali
    December 4, 2008

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    I cannot believe I did not read this. Great take on the prompt and congrats on the HM! This amazing. Dark and beautiful! The imagery is just wow! Love it, love it, love it!

    Much love
    Ylova


  • mysticstorm gold member
    December 3, 2008

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    How very strong in darkness...chilling with lovely flow and metaphor...brillant as always...congrat's on the trophy...
    Love,


  • Alyzeh
    December 3, 2008

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    A wonderful tale but the painted picture was so very dark. You are a brilliant writer Julie. A well deserved trophy, though I think it deserves more than just an honorable mention.

    Love to you
    Alyzeh


  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    December 2, 2008

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    the imagery that you've penned in this poem are filled with darkness, a kind of darkness that is very real. I love this poem that you've written.. lines 7 & 8 are the ones that stand out to me the most. this is a powerful & deep poem, one that is very thought provoking as well. Excellent job with both your poem & the prompt

    good luck
    kat


  • LadyDementia gold member
    December 2, 2008

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    Wow, awesome write sis! I love the line 'breaded by the loaf left in crumbs..' wonderfully creative! A wicked write, good luck in the contest


  • maralisa silver member
    December 2, 2008

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    ah julie a very powerful take onthe promt v=your words have painted some powerful emotions from the depths of the darkness brilliant as always good luckinthe contest maralisa take care my friend


  • Maxboy gold member
    December 1, 2008

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    A wonderful story you have brought to the prompt, but somehow, I think it may be more.

    Best wishes in the contest


  • poppa
    December 1, 2008

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    Wonderful capture to the prompt, feelings we all know too well.. good luck in your contest


  • KayJay
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a dark and pain filled rendering... You've painted aphotic images, like points of darkness, that bring the despair of the image into clarity. A truely inspired write...
    Ken


  • daviscth silver member
    December 1, 2008

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    Such awesome imagery in your words sissy. The emotion is so vivid as I read this. One of your best sis.

1 - 13 of 13