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she dreamed of billowing sheets and march winds




    outside,
    diapers froze stiff
    on february lines

    inside, 

    were wails from

    a pickled pine floor
   

    she stomped her boots

   

    numb

    took the baby to breast
    shoveled oatmeal
    into other mouths

    that hung open, like baby birds

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • A60sMan
    December 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This poem has some merit, I'm adding it to the finalists.

  • Rowan gold member
    December 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very well done, congratulations on HM.


  • zochit2me gold member
    December 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    From that very first stanza, you captured the essence of this poem and carried it all the way through.

    Such lovely images here even if it is of a busy mothers life...love love love the baby bird image!!!

    Damn girl!





    ♥Becky♥


  • Cat
    December 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ps... love, love love that ending

    m

  • Cat
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love what your voice is doing lately.. you have found this delivery that is riveting- this piece
    is so vivid i can feel the cold in my bones and see the floor.. which you describe so expertly
    wonderful poetry.. just wonderful

    m


  • Grunts Girl silver member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    numb.... oh this was the meat that fed this baby

    there is such beauty of life within the angst of all that is busy

    it is in our mind we go in order to survive the daily grind
    I loved the direction you took this prompt and how you captivated family and a woman at the heart of it all


  • Ariosto II. gold member
    December 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    No wonder she dreamed...unless she was living it.
    and many do

    stark
    and white


  • just mercedes gold member
    December 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is great, I'm there instantly. Baby birds is a wonderful image to finish on.


  • tara wilson gold member
    December 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply


    i love this...


  • Cup-a-Joe
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What can you say on perfection? Ok-I know this is gooder than good.

    Joe

1 - 17 of 17