My carcass rose in flames,
to gaze upon the entombed
sleeping in suffocation,
where the shadows fall;
with one consuming thought:
How did this hatebreed
come to live this life of agony?
It was a great testament
to the power of my hypocrisy,
that I never fled this death
in fearful manic exodus,
as realization struck like a crowbar,
that I brought pain to these misfits;
in truth, I was their slayer.
No need for an obituary
for this legion of the damned,
there redemption is only a nightwish
screaming a vision of disorder
at the gates of a frozen hell,
my apocalypse assured their destruction,
as certain as the sun goes down.
Pleaded deliverance from this paradise lost,
building a cathedral of dark tranquility;
but I know I have faith no more,
cold comfort, I am just a death angel,
a fear factory building a nailbomb,
to tear the hearts of the obsessed,
leave grave diggers burying this cannibal corpse.
Author notes
Prompt: I chose 'My Apocalypse' as the song title from Metallica's 'Death Magnetic' to use as my prompt inspiration.
I wanted to do or try something different with this piece, so as a little exercise/experiment, I tried to use a 'word bank' idea, where I have tried to incorporate as many various metal genre band names into the poem as possible.
I managed 32 band names. They are as follows:
Carcass, In Flames, Entombed
Suffocation, Shadows Fall, Hatebreed
Life Of Agony, Testament, Hypocrisy
Death, Exodus, Crowbar
Pain, Misfits, Slayer
Obituary, Legion Of The Damned, Nightwish
Vision Of Disorder, At The Gates, Destruction
Down, Paradise Lost, Cathedral
Dark Tranquility, Faith No More, Death Angel
Fear Factory, Nailbomb, The Obsessed
Grave Diggers, Cannibal Corpse
A contest entry
- "Death Magnetic" by sheltered.
700 points, ended December 11, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very well written piece here
Congrats on the gold and you did very well on the exercise indeed
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"there redemption is only a nightwish",,, their?
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Bands that bleed your ears
Great use of your own word bank, but does it make sense? Some lines I feel are forced, and others seem to fit well. Still this poem has power, emotions of madness thrown into the pits of hell. Heavy shit indeed, and one can see the effect you put into writing this poem. I need to go out now so I'll just wish you good luck in the contest.
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this was unforced in a lot of parts but i could tell in others that there was a mandate
a lot of articles and other unnecessary words that clouded the whole picture but overall a valiant attempt considering the weightedness of the undertaking
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these are some names that most people wouldn't know wtf
death angel for one
they were awesome
and all related natives
which is even more amazing
testament
there's some more old-school stuff i recognize
obituary
i played in the same show as them once
nightwish how many women can kick it this way... ?
fuckin' eh
do you mean grave digger
now that was some heavy death...
anyway i haven't even read the poem yet... lol -
Cannibal Corpse... no way. damn dude i aint heard them in fkn years. thankx for the jog to the failing memory.
and great dark write up there G., frought with frightful imagery. Keep em comin'.
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Another great one from you here! How do you come up with this stuff
Good luck hon!
as realization struck like a crowbar,
that I brought pain to these misfits;
in truth, I was their slayer.
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This reminds me of two songs by KJ-52. In "Cartoon Network" he lists off the names of 40 cartoon characters. In "47 Pop Stars," you guessed it, he names off 47 bands. For some reason this style of poetry irritates me. It's like puns gone bad. This is just my opinion, so take no offense. I'm merely saying it isn't my cup of tea. I do give you credit though; it takes skill. Keep the ink flowing.
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