”are you sortofdrunk?”
she boasted about lying to a classmate
in fifth grade.
we were standing in a small
passage hall
deserted by everyone.
she recounted her routine woes
that-weren’t-quite-woes
about a boyfriend she had
moved house away from.
that day i wondered
why such a girl
would be honest to me.
locked me in a bathroom
twice and a few more
i don’t recall.
guessed my secrets
and laughed her lungs out
at a headache pill
from the dentist-woman
she had a crush on.
”just accept it, he died”-
when waves of concern
had already quite
washed me over.
”i won’t stop following you.
cockleburcockleburcocklebur!”
and she caught me sweating,
knew every inch of what i wanted
to hide.
once told me she put salt
in a sick boy’s coffee
and today i wonder
if in eighth grade she
still wet her bed, as well.
Author notes
Dec. 1, 2008
Pic courtesy - WCS Wildcat, "Hold On To Me Love"
I began by relating the girl in the picture to someone in my life...
A contest entry
- Mental Asylum [INVITE ONLY] by Never Fall in Love.
1750 points, ended June 11, 2009, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mental Asylum [invite only] by Never Fall in Love.
400 points, ended June 14, 2009, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I think this is amazing, throughout the poem I kept relating to it because in primary school, there was this girl [she was he secretary's daughter] and once for no reason at all she grabbed me by my hair and pulled me into the bathroom. I don't remember the rest of it, but I hate her till this day.
One day, she came into my mom and dad's store [i work there on saturdays and whenever I have holidays] and asked for a donation for a dance competition - to support her group. I told her to go away, and left her standing there asking for the manager - then I wentin and told my mom not to go to her.
Anyway, so yeah, that was a bit painful to recollect, but the poem is awesome nonetheless.
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Aww I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Yes, this girl I talk about here kept doing such things to me for a year and it was worse yet because we looked like inseparable friends... because in the end she knew too much about me and I was scared about what she'd do if I left her alone too much.
Thanks a lot for the comment
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a fine, sort-of-drunk ramble you have here... I think that trying to find the logic in a piece like this is not the point- it is more of an attitude/emotion piece where the voice of the narrator washes over you (me)... I think the key to successful rambles is when they hit on a few intriguing things that the reader will mull over a while... here it would be at the end- where the girl seems to have x-ray vision (into others), and is held in high esteem by the listener, and yet the listener knows a huge, scandalous secret of hers... and the question is (what is 'mulled' over) is, what is the listener going to do with it...
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I really really love the opening line of this ... this is one hard-hitting, yet adorably thought-oriented, poem
my favorite part was where she locked you up a few times that you didn't remember - the mix-up there is really effective - the confusion and almost remorseful feel of this poem was crafted wonderfully! Best of luck in the contest honey
Polly
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This is a very in-depth take on the picture prompt! I really like the personal details that you have added to this and how you let the reader make up their own minds about where the stanzas lead I really liked the way I was pulled into this piece by the speech and the honest way you have written this
♦ M
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Thank you!
That's exactly how I meant it
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