I look at the photos spread on the cold wooden floor,
remembering the faces of past summers and springs, when flowers were not placed in vases, but adorned the fine hair on young heads.
There are small black and white of 'us', in shorts and laughter. Our hands show traces of candy and sand, and dirty feet that hold a layer of playtime, leaving prints of happiness behind the photographs.
And I miss the time when we didn't think about shoes.
Author notes
not sure what this is, not a poem, not really prose, must be a proem.
A contest entry
- Footprints by Peteskid.
1500 points, ended December 5, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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'when flowers were not placed in vases, but adorned the fine hair on young heads'...reminds me of dandelion summers and hopscotch with chalk on sidewalks. Perfect imagery...
Love,
Stacy
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I like the imagery ...
and the way you have expressed the simple joys of life and living. Your proem reads well and perhaps if you spaced it out where the pauses are the visions inbetween the lines would tickle the minds of your readers. All in all ... a fine read. j
y
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Wow, you made me miss those times too!
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Love this!!
Love the notes in the AC-
not a poem or prose- proem
Brilliant~
You are so darn Creative
Adore Your Imagery and had to take a few snapshots
Love this!!
so can I borrow Your brain to make a proem
Woot!
Congratulations on Your HM!
-Throws confetti-
Woooooooooo Hoooooooooooo
Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet One
Best wishes too
with much love & light~ Desire~*~
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Ahhh... this is like a picture of my childhood. Fun, no responsibilities, barefeet on a dirt driveway. Who cared if our feet were dirty, our hair tousled, our clothes soiled... it was fun times, wonderful times.
You've captured all this and more in this little slice of life
Dee
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My lady
This is a very visual write that takes me back there with you. And so I remove my shoes in your honor.
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Ahhh, thank you
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What a great take on the prompt. I love the whole in between poetry and prose. Congrats on the Hm
Much love
Ylova
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beneath the hood of child the sun beamed warm,
we communed with puddles, our toes dancing in the rain warmed spills, responsibility was non-existant, and our days were filled with play. beneath the hood of adult, shadows of yesteryears cloud our view, and bring back puddles of tears for what was, as we clod leather shod down the tedious roads of life. ~~great write~~~Artis
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I like it.
a Proem - finally someone has created a word to describe this form of "poetry". I liked your thoughts here, and the memories it entailed. - Kevin
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:-) that IS a wonderful memory yea.. you're once again at what you're best- prose or poem.. a moment, a feeling, a visual in time
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simply lovely
I found this very refreshing-'when flowers were not placed in vases, but adorned the fine hair on young heads.'-'shorts and laughter'-'traces of candy and sand'-'layer of playtime'-paint pictures of beautiful carefree times-I have loved this piece it has such innocent charm about it
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I needed this is a cold snap rapidly approaching us, bring back many fine memories of warm weather.
We now use photographs and video to remember
while years ago it was painting, but perhaps the luckiest of all may have been those before the means
for there was no outward "evidence" to change
that memory that held so it remained intact as perfectly as it always was "first" remembered...
Brains brush freely
on dim, gray sheets
restoring their colors
Happy Holidays...
Hugs...Eddy
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I still go barefoot whenever I can, you're never too old. But good proem, all the same.
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You should add a photo.
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This is super cute. I could imagine those times... except those times were halted for me when I was about 3 and stepped on a cactus. I remembered that the rest of my days and always put on shoes to go outside. lol
This is a beautiful poem about memories and the days when life was easy.
Bravo,
Criss
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Ms Goes, I'm sure you wrote this poem for me. I've never grown up. I gave up the 'big blue' job on a whim, a number of years ago, to work from home. Several reasons helped me throw away the chance for gold watch stability, I've forgotten what they were save that I still value working all day in bare feet. I recommend it. The poem is true, working naked down there, I feel free and years younger. I'm probably also recommending a matching tropical climate. ----- Living poetry to feel, thank you.
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And I miss the time when we didn't think about shoes.
sigh...a carefree poem for being carefree
it's beautiful as it is
Sir Yem inventing new words...a proem, indeed haha I'll vote for proem
Anna Lee
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It's prose. Nothing poem or proem about it, though I'm still debating if it might be a prosem.
Age is a cruel thing..more cruel than flat Moxie...it turns these memories into little exploding bombs that blow out little holes in our happiness. Nostalgia is some evil curse, more poisonous than green tea!
First...I like that you mention that it is a "cold wooden floor." This sets the contrast of then and now...your feet aren't bare right now I'd wager...if they are they aren't on the floor! But this serves not only as a device for time but for conveying the mood. I tip my Moxie cap to you there.
I like the shift from vases to hair, that again served as a time indicator.
"dirty feet that hold a layer of playtime"
That was a good way to say something common, differently...I liked that.
"leaving prints of happiness behind the photographs."
I'm not sure if you meant that as I read it, but I saw it as yet another marker of time/distance...in a creative way...photos only show so much, there was so much that it does not show...those foot prints lead back to earlier happiness...and forward to today.
The last line of course brings us back to the present, and that is what makes the story work (in part) is that organization...you took us back into the photos, then brought us back, with that melancholy reminder that those days will not come again.
And here is what you expected:
I would fix the line
"in shorts and laughter."
You are comparing dissimilar terms...shorts and laughter...there should be that agreement...to keep a logical flow to the sentence. You don't compare shirts and balloons for example, that makes no sense...and besides, while you can portray laughter, you can't wear it...which is what that comparison suggests.
And yes, I know you won't fix it. You can lead an IT to the water but you can't make it drink."
Exceptional short bit of prose...really well done!
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Re "in shorts and laughter"---
as in wearing laughter,
clothing oneself
in its delight,
as "in bare feet and smiles."
Women are from Venus... -
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Notice, though I said all kinds of nice stuff, I didn't get the 5 stars!
Yes, she tried the wearing smiles/laughter excuse on me. It didn't fit me.
Funny comment btw, Women are indeed from Venus...men from earth.
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and Der Golem from Mars.
Yes, you indeed said many fine things.
But you can't change a Venutian's phrasing!!
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Man, so much you saw in such a short thing!
You saw all very well. yes, I won't change the short/laughter thing. The way I see it in my mind is, we wore shorts and we were happy and that shows on the photos. I'm stubborn I know.
Thanks for the very good comment! -
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Congratulations on the HM, green looks good on you.
BTW, This is comment #12,000 (yes, replies count as comments it seems.)...Yay me. Yeah, I am having my own little party here.
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too bad you won't let your readers se that.
"There are small black and white photographs of us in shorts, carefree, smiling and laughing...
I'm done.
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"And I miss the time when we didn't think about shoes."
aren't those the best times?
beautiful...
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Prose is a great way to express complete thoughts, show a reader a more rich and detailed picture than in verse. This is done so well here, a simple photo of children in bare feet, but what a story it does tell, warm memories of family and a time when so many things of life did not matter...not more than candy and sandy feet. Wonderful. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and best of luck in the judging...PK
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Whatever it is, it's lovely and it captures your memories so very well. I still don't like wearing shoes...so that last line really spoke to me. You took me back to my own childhood on the farm with my 3 sisters and brother...yes, definately footprints of lives here.
~ Nicolette
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Ah thanks Nic! Recently, my sister posted in another site, photos of us (me and my sisters and brothers) taken when we were kids, and on most of the photos sisters and I have bare feet (and dirty ones from playing), was nice to remember those times, so long ago but still very clear in my memory.
I too like walking around the house without shoes, in the Winter I do wear socks though
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