The eyes held all her secrets
and she'd let nobody through,
a veil she called inscrutable
the inner her you couldn't view.
This shadowed gaze kept all away
the past a sorrowful memory,
with views of grim reflections
of a love once guaranteed.
When alone she seeks her mirror
where the truth glares back at her,
scenes of love so long ago
that now seem all a blur.
But mirrors truth can shatter
a facade so soundly built,
as shards of memory clatter
upon a heart so full of guilt.
For then recriminations start
as inner turmoil reigns,
in realisation that all that's left
are memories of pain.
Author notes
Prompt - 1. eyes/mirrors
In a list
A contest entry
- Something a Little Bit Different by SomeGirlYouKnew.
1200 points, ended December 14, 2008, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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There is definately a little piece of all of us woven into these words. I agree with below, it is a haunting piece but completely relatable. Nothing worse than the person looking back being jaded by experience. Well done hun. Best to you in this contest
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i love what you did with the prompt, it's really quite haunting, but beautiful at the same time, i love this, best of luck in the contst
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very eloquently penned.
I wished for more description as to what about the eyes held the secrets... showing vs. telling that they hold secrets. Though secrets might be hard to show specifically - still, you can show mystery, doubt, etc.
'now all seem a blur'. 'seem a blur' is a bit cliche, perhaps use a meaphor about how it's all turning to mist or something?
'mirrors truth can shatter'. subject/verb inversion here - better to say truth can shatter mirrors. see how that makes more sense?
Some articles perhaps could be dropped:
Alone she seeks her mirror
the truth glares back at her
Thanks for the fun read!
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This is very beautifully written. I agree with the comments below, I think so many people can relate to this poem. You express yourself wonderfully, utilizing language to it's full extent. I also feel that the title you have chosen could not be more perfect for the piece you have penned. Thanks for sharing this and I wish you the best in the contest you have entered.
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The first stanza could stand alone and is a strong introduction, the middle stanzas journey through 'til the final realization, there is no hiding from the shelf of the self.
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Honestly.. there aren't words to describe how I feel about this but I'll try..
You know those stories or parts of a book you read and you feel so very certain that the author was/is talking about you or your life.. when it feels like they baised the character around you. This poem is like reading a page from the book that is my life.
I'm sure many people can connect with this poem, from time to time our lives feel like this..
I had to read it twice.. I really did. I'm in shock and awe.. when I was writing during a certain part of my life a few years ago I just couldn't find the words to say what this poem says.. this just sums it up..
Wonderful read
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I tried to pick a stanza or couple of lines to accent what I found in your poem but all I can say is that it's beautifully honest in its entirety.
Best wishes in the contest.
Love Margaret
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Love the first stanza...the eyes truly tell so much so often we veil them so others can not see in...very real and relatable...lovely work as always...
Best to you!
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beautiful...
The eyes held all her secrets
and she'd let nobody through,
a veil she called inscrutable
the inner her you couldn't view.
I love this part a lot and the mirror truth
your words are a reflection to all of us
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Within the darkness of the night
Tears of saddness easily flow
For all our mistakes of the past
Together with our fears of tomorrow.
I think so many of us hide what is within us, our sorrows and our fears from others. So true also, is that what we may hide from others we cannot hide from ourselves.
This is a sad and haunting poem that brings our past back as fresh as if it were yesterday. If we be lucky, we will learn from them and progress, if not, we become a sad and lonely person. -
The eyes...yes, a revealing and insightful poem here wonderful depth of thought , well done in end rhyme when the words bring flow and meaning... PK
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Beautiful
A powerful tale of heartache and pain.
The reflections of a life seen in the
looking glass of reality are just as
agonizing. One may be able to elude
others but not yourself.
Facing the darkness brings in the light.
Because there's always some valuble
lesson to learn from painful experiences.
Great job!
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Great write I related to.
Goodluck!
Hugs, Moon
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But mirrors truth can shatter
a facade so soundly built,
as shards of memory clatter
upon a heart so full of guilt.
shards of memory is a great phrase.
nicely written! -
this is very well written, and dishearteningly sorrowful.
thank you so much for entering my contest, and best of luck. ^_^ -
That's one a person can certainly relate to. She sees the things she hides from others. Yes, we all have faces like that which mask the reality of something in our past.
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Poet
damn that mirror at times. But then we often have to gaze into the mirror of our soul. Sadly when we screw up we often do not get another chance. Great reflective write with perfect rhyme. One of your very best.
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I agree with what Ken said..I can also relate well to this. As always lovely lady, your brilliance shines in your beautiful words..whether your work is sad,happy or whatever emotion ..you are simply amazing. May your quill never run dry.
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I can relate to this complelely Gaylene,
ouch ouch ouch,
all those painful memories we'd like to forget
never seem to disappear.
I can go on and on but i wont, lol
Excellent write
All the best to you in the contest
Ken
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