Sometimes others hurt without trying,
When they themselves feel pain.
If we look and see only night,
When will sun rise again.
The ever blooming flower,
Beware it's present thorns.
Seeking still it's perfect scent
The price full of scorn
Where is the sun
Where is the moon
Wandering
Waiting, to be found
How to forgive the hurt we feel
And truely live again
I sit alone,
The night is still
Just waiting to be found
What did you think
Comments
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The first line is a bit confusing. "Hurt" could be either suffering or inflicting suffering (ain't English great?). If the first, then perhaps something to clarify, as 'collect pain' or 'assume ill intent, falsely,' or something to help the reader better understand the launch for the write. If the second, possibly 'wound thoughtlessly' or 'laugh others into tears' or something more defining.
The syntax of L3-4 is off. Read it aloud as a single sentence (as it is written) and see if it makes sense to you or a friend.
Change of imagery in stanza two, "the everblooming flower". Lines 5 and 6 make perfect sense, line 7 more ambiguous (who is doing the seeking, the flower or a new character?) and line 8 does not seem to logically attach to flower, thorn or scent.
Change of imagery for stanza 3, wandering does not seem naturally synonymous with waiting, and vice versa. If you tell a child to wait, you hope he won't wander...
Excellent lines 13 and 14, questions each individual must eventually grapple with if they would fully live in the present and future.
The last three lines paint a picture of one absorbing the stillness of the night, and "waiting" for another agent to propel their life in a new direction.
Some interesting thoughts and considerations. I think you could strengthen your metaphors, they can be tricky, but can add a lot to a write. The best metaphor help I have found is a column here http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2337266
I can highly recommend it!
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