Your words remain numbingly haunting,
your lies are easily believed;
Your threats are ever daunting,
your bone chilling promise is received.
You claim me as your petty prize,
you take advantage of my weakness;
The final shred of freedom within me slowly dies,
I can't believe it took me til' now to see this.
Our hands intertwined for the determined last time,
Because now deep down I don't wonder, I know;
that it wasn't ever real when I called you mine,
I prepare to receive another flesh scarring blow.
Blood is trickling down from my face,
your bruises run deeper than the skin;
that you love me isn't the case,
know that I'll never let you win.
I lay in broken shards on the kitchen floor,
once again you take your hatred out on me;
for every day you wish to pain me more,
though this is the last day I'll let that be.
Today you'll take your weapon of choice,
and once again threaten me with death;
tonight I promise you, you'll hear my voice,
even if it comes out with my last breath.
Your betrayal consumes my thoughts,
pollutes my scattered dreams;
I love you, I love you NOT; and tonight baby,
it'll be you who's torn at the seams.
Author notes
My A.P name is Angeladowns, and my inspiration was that of all suffering from abuse.
For the "Lots of options!!!" Contest, I used option 1, 2, and 7.
A.P Name : angeladowns
For the "Imagination Required! Options!" contest, I used option number 3. =]
And my favorite color is purple. =]
For the 28 Options Contest, I used this quote.
-TheGreatestLove
He tore her up over and over again, leaving her with nothing but bruised words.
For the "Click. Now. You know you want to. 
Click Click my contest 
" contest, I used option 11.
For the "Lotsa quotes" contest, I used this quote.
2-It makes my heart sick when I remember all the good words and the broken promises.
-Chief Joseph
A contest entry
- I Want You to .:.Scare.:. Me!! by DecorusApparatus.
550 points, ended January 5, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Imagination Required! Options! by ShiningNShadows.
725 points, ended December 16, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - for woman only by Mrs. C..
500 points, ended December 17, 2008, 43 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of the Year by Bean Sidhe.
1350 points, ended January 3, 51 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Important Issues by pinksnowboots.
570 points, ended February 19, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favorite Rhyme by piccola.
900 points, ended March 9, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What's your constructive criticisms and thoughts on my poem?
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Today you'll take your weapon of choice, and once again threaten me with death; tonight I promise you, you'll hear my voice, even if it comes out with my last breath. impressive. I like how your rhyme comes effortlessly.
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so many scream of abuse and the fight goes on ... but as long as there are women that keep going back the tragedy will continue. The courts can do very little really. I see it in my own family but can do nothing. I offer a safe haven but she always returns sets her foot down ... he steps on it along with her cell phone and the cycle continues. It will escalate until he uses his gun ... thanks for entering
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"I lay in broken shards on the kitchen floor," that was my favorite line....really liked the essence of this poem and subject you tackled, nice job....thank you for entering!
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I love the metaphor and the rhyme in this, it enhances the feeling around the poem greatly. A beautiful poem.
Thanks for entering. -
Thank you for following my few simple rules. I tried & did not find a spelling error!
The subject matter of this piece is brutal & frighteningly close to home for me personally. I appreciate the voice you gave the victims of abuse in this piece. It's tragic how many do not make it but empowering for those that do.
Thank you for your entry & good luck in the contest -
Yay! I like this poem a lot! I especially love the last line. It is so strong and ends the poem so powerfully.
I'm glad you shared this great poem with me!!!
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Well penned!
thanks for entering!
Best wishes always.
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I know how it feels to have dreams shattered because someone couldn't keep their promises or wouldn't show me their true nature. I guess we are surrounded by a lot of fake people.
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hmmm, the flow was a little off toward the end where it really needed it. It made the ending a little disjointed, which is the most important part in my books (this is me being brutal, so the fact that that's all i can poke holes in is pretty good. lol).
but other than that he entire poem was well constructed with very good grammar and prose. The rhyming was exellent and aesthetically it was pleasing.
Very nice job
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Nice write, excellent flow and meter and great dark subject matter. Great vocabulary usage and construction. You left ample room for reader interpretion and personal perspective. I was intrigued and it held my attention throughout Thanks for the great read!
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great write! i can relate to some of the things you say in this. very powerful indeed. good luck in the contest!
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Wow, thats some contests for one write A powerful piece, the theme is an excellent one, you have shown strength and hope within your words. I did stumbled on some longer lines. Verse two threw me a little with the rhyme, seemed off. Other than that a strong well penned write. Thank you for entering and good luck
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Good rhythm and rhyme, excellent emotion. I'm not sure how pertinent it is to my contest, but I thank you for entering.
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This is very good. Finally standing up for yourself and wanting to be heard. The last line really pulls it together well.
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[as a small tip, you should remove the poem from contests that have already ended]
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THIS IS AWESOME! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!
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This..is..INCREDIBLE Ang!! Wow. I am in awe!
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This is a great poem you wrote. I can so relate to this write. Thank you for sharing and best of luck in my contest!!!
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I really really liked this. I thought hat it had a lot of emotion. Very very sad, it'd take a lot of courage to stand up and not take anymore. Well done, You've portrayed this option very well. Good luck.
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OMG! i hope this dose not have the meanging i think it dose. but if it is true words spoken your a very strong woman. the emotions behind this, the imagry. thank you for sharing and entering.
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I said if you had a poem over 29 lines to message me before you enter it. You didnt read the rules. But because i'm in a good mood i'll allow this one to stay but if you enter another over 29 lines without notifying me i'll delete it
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Nice job. Good luck in my contest!
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This is a well written piece full of emotion and great images. Unfortunately I am not a fan of love or broken love and all the dramatics that go along with it. It simply doesn't have the depth of thought that I am looking for in this contest. You are more than welcome to try another, first take a look at my finalist list so far, it will give you an idea of the type of work I am looking for. Hugs, Bunny
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thats pretty awesome, i don't see anything that needs to be changed, looks pretty good to me. good job and good luck
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i didn't realise it was a rhyming poem till this stanza:
"Today you'll take your weapon of choice,
and once again threaten me with death;
tonight I promise you, you'll hear my voice,
even if it comes out with my last breath."
which meant that the rhyming here was the best and as for the other stanzas for me, the rhyme didn't have a good flow and rhythm.
this could pass off as a good free-verse poem. i liked it quite a lot.
thanks and best of luck
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Thanks again for entering this.
I wish there were less problems wih the system but I guess that can't be avoided. -
what option is this?
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Hi! Regarding my submission to your contest, "Weapon Of Choice"...
For the 28 Options Contest, I used this quote.
-TheGreatestLove
He tore her up over and over again, leaving her with nothing but bruised words.
Thanks! -
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thanks for replying (:
i shall read and comment on your entry now.
thanks for entering and much love
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No problem, thanks much!
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WOW!! this is really really deep! it drwons me in emotion.....i love it! now i see that it is in alot of contest and i thank you for entering my contest
but i need to know which option you choose.... so when i run through at the end i can see which you choose
please and thank you,
great write my fellow poet,
good luck,
~*Princess Cuddle Bug*~ -
This is a really deep poem. I really got the emotion that was coming thorugh and I love that you were able to rhyme. I really feel for victims of abuse. I have been so very lucky to not be personally affected by it but I know many that have and it takes alot of courage to speak out about it.
"I lay in broken shards on the kitchen floor,
once again you take your hatred out on me;
for every day you wish to pain me more,
though this is the last day I'll let that be"
This was a wonderfully powerful stanza that really stood out to me. The whole poem was inspiring and intense, so thankyou for entering my contest!
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