The sound of the violin fills the room with magic.
All bodies around me begin to surrender to a mystical ritual.
A strange feeling flowing through their veins.
Oh, sweet, sweet music!...
It possesses them.
Takes away their will,
Their control.
Suddenly, a frenetic rhythm becomes my ruler.
I move as a serpent, in total syntony...
With beautiful grace, a dance full of sensuality.
I sway to the music of misery,
caught up in the eternal dance.
I know that I could break free,
if I only had just one chance.
I get caught up in the steps,
a mantra locked in my mind.
I must count them out perfectly
or I will get left behind.
I feel the music pounding
The beat sounding
The rhythm so confounding
Hair tossed high and falling fast
caught in a moment of stillness
toes, pointed, supporting
the weight of my mind as I spin
controlled but uncontrollable.
Then the music slows and softens to a gentle whisper
And I slow untill I am still
And I turn around and see
Everybody simply staring at me.
The music stops.
Perhaps I shouldn't have gone to that room...
But that's what happens when you surrender...
...to the violin's dance.
Author notes
- We have the right to make you write in any form/style/type of poetry there is on this planet. We will literally murder ourselves sometimes by trying to find even at least one bizarre form. But, then again, you may have easy things too. Or maybe not. You never know.
- We have the right to make you vote for other contestant. You may have to vote other contestants out, or vote to give contestants immunity, or even vote them president, or never vote for them at all. Again, you never know. We don't know either.
- We have the right to eliminate as many people as we want. We may not eliminate anyone until like the second last round. Or we may eliminate almost everyone in the first round and have the contest super short. Again, you never know!
- We have the right to make you write on any genre. Monkeys from another planet, hope, hatred, beauitful underwear. Please don't enter if you are easily offended, as you may have to write on some touchy or controversial topics. Or, you may not. You just can't tell!
- We have the right to disqualify you if we are not pleased by your behaviour, or actions, or something with your poetry (though, most likely not the last one). Though, this is unplanned, you still need to be respectful.
- We have the right to be completely honest with your work. Whatever we say is only said to help you improve as a poet.
- We have the right to run this contest any way we want to. Because thats the way it goes.
- We have the right to throw any twists into this contest as we want to, especially if is for our own amusement.
- Mostly, we have the right to make you grow as a poet, and enjoy yourself.
I, Undercover Elf agree that I have read these terms of use and will hereby abide by the law.
I really hope that was what you wanted me to do!
A contest entry
- UNPLANNED: as unexpected as you [preliminary round] by Never Fall in Love.
400 points, ended December 22, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Anything (PW Allowed) by swimmeroks.
900 points, ended January 6, 108 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think honestly please
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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yes.
I already discussed this with ryan.
You're in.
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/UNPLANNED%20as%20unexpected%20as%20you
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Honestly ?
Is 'syntony' a word that would exist
Right between synthetize and syphilis;
Or a product of the clumsy fingers
Hurrying to catch thoughts that won`t linger?
Get up off the floor, you take too much space
While on your feet, you`ve decorum and grace.
Serpents are normally found on the floor;
Unless they`re dead, with skins tacked to the door.
One would think, after nine pages of math;
Poetry would follow, right up your path.
The one thing that would, make your work sweeter
The music that poets do call meter
Syllable count`s not trigonometry
Makes more sense than your new word 'musicy'
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Yes
I think the idea to this piece was really well thought out and the flow was really rhythmic to the actual topic of the piece.
Also, some of the images were really well done; like the idea of surrendering to the music and being a serpent while dancing - very powerful to me!
When you rhymed, I thought that the rhymes were really well done and they had a way of not controlling your piece and becoming forced - the were smooth.
Some areas that I think need work:
When writing, my best suggestion is to pick between either free verse or rhyme. When you have only some rhyming parts and some free verse parts - and can really affect the flow of the piece and then poem will not be as smooth.
Also, watch out for cliches ... like "sweet, sweet music"; based on some of your imagery here, I can tell that you can come up with some more creative phrasing.
I thought this was a unique and inspiring piece and it showed a lot of potential for you to grow as an artist in this contest.
Please wait for the opinion of the other judge.
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Thank you alot for the comment! It really helped and i'll be changing around the words after the contest. I want it to be judged the way it is for now
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OMG!!! This is awesome!
-me
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Well done, good poet.
A lovely visit with you in this poem in which music flows. 
Fine and true. 
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