If you'll be my sky, I'll be your star;
And though through darkness I can't see you, I'll know you're not far.
If you'll be my wings, I'll learn how to fly;
and because I love you so, I won't say goodbye.
If you'll be my sun, I'll be your light;
For you my love, I'll never give up the fight.
If you'll be my soul, I'll be your heart;
and though we change, we won't grow apart.
If you'll be my breath, I'll be your beat;
I have to search for it when our eyes meet.
If you'll be my destiny, I'll be your fate;
If you never let go, it'll never be too late.
If you'll be my sunrise, I'll be your sunset;
With you, I don't know any regrets.
If you'll be what I need, I'll be what you desire;
For as you also need me, you are my fire.
If you'll be my sun, I'll be your shine;
And though other lights burn out, you will always be mine.
A contest entry
- Love Everlasting by Vars.
650 points, ended December 2, 2008, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quote by Maybe Anastasia.
400 points, ended December 10, 2008, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THE ULTIMATE LOVE STORY by bookworm987.
400 points, ended February 15, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter all your poems. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended February 20, 281 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can You Feel The Love? by FleetingImage.
400 points, ended March 9, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What's your constructive criticisms and thoughts on my poem?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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aww..this is so sweet!!
If you'll be my sun, I'll be your shine;
And though other lights burn out, you will always be mine.
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Absolutely amazing poem you have here. It's so kind and sweet and just makes me want to go jump on his back right not XD...thanks for entering GL.
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This was so cute, but still deep and meaningful. Sometimes simply is simply better. Great write! Good luck in the contest!
[Liz<3] -
Good poem! Such feeling and deep emotion!
I have absolutely no criticism to say! WOW what a good poem!
So immpecable ! What a perfect fit!
THank you for entering and keep up the amazing work!
~ Trill -
i liked it, the poem obviously conveyed what i think of when i think of being in love with someone, good job and good luck
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Very interesting write. Congrats on the trophies. Thanks for sharing this one with us and thanks for entering it into my contest. I do like the way this was written. How you said if I was your blank then you would be my blank... Good write.
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I can see why you won these 2 silver trophies, this poem was beautiful.... and I could personally identify with the emotion that laced each line.
Great Write Poet. -
Thank you for your beautifully expressed write, good luck in my contest and happy new year, Josie
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Thank you for your beautifully written piece, Josie
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aw this is amazingly sweet. I really liked it. You somehow used a form of repitition but it almost didnt seem like it. Great Job and thanks for entering.
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i love the way you let the person know that your thiers for ever brillant lovly work good luck in my contest
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Thank you for your most beautifully expressed write, Josie
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this is so perfectly beautiful. it says everything there is to be said.
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This is so beautiful. The wordings are just perfect. Congratulations on the Silver. You very much deserved it. More people need to read your work!!!
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i liked this poem a lot. every stanza got better than the last. i think i liked the last stanza the most, though. an amazing write, you are a very talented poet. i think you will do well in this contest, but im not making any promieses...good job!
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