Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

ethan frome's wife

 

 

 

 

 

 

  I.

 

Pull the blind,
I say.

 

The sun is cancerous.

It ties me into knots
and dries me out
into corn husk.

I sometime feel myself burn
while pupils drifts out of my cornea
and afterwards watch the storm-

 

clouds swallow my pupils

then exhale them

into cold northeasters.

 

  II.

 

The mirror

has my colour drip out

like a watered tea cup

 

and I crack -

Oh, I crack..

It also lies

 

and suck out my youth

until I shrivel up

into a white prune.

  

III.

 

He came the other day.

The tall man
dressed in black
and wide brimmed hat.

He came
with his metal box
and silver quarters

to dress me up
in my Sunday's best;
but he didn't stay.

My body wasn't pale enough

and told me, as if I was Sylvia,
how badly I photographed.

 

 

 

Author notes

The first poem that I wrote in almost two months. It's NOT personal in any shape or form. I'm just channeling a modern Zeena Frome's perspective here. This sort of suck, btw.


- Aly
-----------------------------------


Constructive Criticism

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Thoughtful Seeker
    November 4
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    wow, just wow!!

    Amazing!! And the imagery is fantastic. I really enjoyed reading this. Great job. Jani


  • ann-e
    February 3
    Edit | Reply

    I love it

    It is so real.


  • grammabuff
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    Some wonderful images and a few nits:

    Love "and I crack -

    Oh, I crack.."

    and "It ties me into knots
    and dries me out
    into corn husk."

    "The mirror
    has my colour drip out
    like a watered tea cup" this doesn't make much sense to me. Is your colour the watered tea cup or the mirror?

    The repeat of "pupils" also causes me to stumble in the reading.

    Great last line and an excellent poem. What I have mentioned isn't major - just somethings to consider.

    Good Write.



  • JM Kenyon silver member
    December 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like the irony between stanzas Lying mirrors and cancerous sun...these things don't matter when your dead or dying When that time comes, do you suppose we'll all realize immidiately or will be still be dictated by the frivilous earthly worries we find for a time?

    I don't think this sucks, I think it very well done. s and best wishes always... ~Genie~


  • Star Shine
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The piece definitely does not suck, but the thought of feeling such feelings and living that bleak life does. A tale I have alwasy felt compelling, well rendered perspective.


  • the gunslinger
    December 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    awesome

    *goes to read ethan frome*


  • Nephlim
    December 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    'Bout time .

    Nothing Hamronie writes sucks . Is Zeena a real person? Does this reference a funeral? I couldn't really be sure. I'll admit, it's not my favorite by you, but they can't ALL by my favorites, I guess . But I still like it, you really brought the character to life, in a certain lifeless way.
    GREAT job
    diggin it majorly


  • transcendental baby gold member
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aw, the wages of guilt ... poor old Zeena ended up taking care of everybody's (if I remember the story correctly). Interesting perspective here and not in the least sucky

1 - 8 of 8