a brief history of blue
there was a biting
in my skin
that I had to seek you out
because your history
often repeated itself
as you
chewed rusty nails
hoping your throat would give
punctured like
moth eaten sweaters.
but I
caught your tiny death
with an open mouth
and open arms
because you either fall heavy
or like snowflakes
regardless
it's effortless and graceful;
your jury
is not judgmental
they just hope, maybe for my sake,
that each morning you wake
a little softer
letting your fire burn
even though
it's just a fever
and in days you will
again be nothing
except pieces of matter
less tangible
than stale smoke
maybe I'll collect your worth
in a shallow flask
that resembles a stomach
drink you with
the memory of possibility
staring me down
knowing
as hard as I try
to pull you together
it takes more than thread
and needle
because your body is so torn
and my mind
sometimes fails
to remember you
exactly
as it was
Author notes
morning stanzas
In a list
A contest entry
- look at it by film.
450 points, ended December 5, 2008, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critiques are always nice
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
whoa
-
but I
caught your tiny death
with an open mouth
In the future, whenever I want to write about a kiss that means and is worth something, I will always refer to these lines. This entire piece purred and rubbed itself all over my face, even tickling the ears. And I could not resist its charms, its soft flutters. I know you were good, kid, but damn, memory is a poor substitute when faced with the shiny talents of your pen.
Brava!
-
I guess I've been intimidated out of commenting your poetry before now, because I remember reading this one too. it's brilliant. the last stanza = killer. absolutely.
-
-
you are toooooo kind.
i wish i wasn't so lazy/sleepy right now..i'm trying to make it over to your page. i'm sure i'll discover wonderful things 
-
-
I love the torrent of images that you use in your poetry. They're interesting individually, but the effect of all of them together is really amazing. Reading just once isn't enough.
-
reading a poem from you is always an incredible experience. it's as though your eyes are sailing down the page, picking up the words faster than your brain can grasp their meaning, and all the imagery is just coursing through your mind up until the very last line, at which point all the pictures your mind has pieced together thus far suddenly shatter from the sheer brilliance of it all, and you're left sitting there before the dim glare of your computer screen, stupefied and at a loss for words.
This poem is just extraordinary; i wish i could comment on it with something more than a trite "what an amazing piece of poetry!" ...you have a truly admirable way with words.
-
Now this is damn good work.
*steals into bookmarks*
-
best friend! i loveeeeee this.
-
the air is so thick with the empty presence. feels like something's not there that should be, this is really great
-
"nothing
except pieces of matter
less tangible
than stale smoke"
I miss you, my flambuoyant little popsickle. A thousand apologies for not being around as much as I should be; you're better than I remember
xxxxxxxxx
-
because you either fall heavy
or like snowflakes
regardless
it's effortless and graceful;
...
the vision as seen by someone with feel for her ...
lovely portray of feelings and i hope this contest finds you in the gold ...
-
if this doesnt win i dont believe anyone elses should.
this made me ache in such a way i cant really grasp it. i have to fav this, its a MUST! you beautiful creature you, i wish i could just think like you for one day <3
-
Love the title; it's bloody genius.
"but I
caught your tiny death"
I love that you use the adjective 'tiny'; it gives that feeling of playing something significant down...which makes it feel more significant to me.
"because you either fall heavy
or like snowflakes
regardless
it's effortless and graceful;"
Damn, that is a freaking brilliant ass simile!!
And...I just loved your line breaks in these 4 lines.
You are a metaphorical genius.
"except pieces of matter
less tangible
than stale smoke"
I'm trying to study for science (and failing miserably), so I enjoyed these lines a helluva lot. Great use of 'tangible'.
"the memory of possibility"
!!!
Hell yeah! Fuck, I love how 'memory' and 'possibility' both have -y sounds...it sounds so good.
"exactly
as it was"
Just fucktacularly poignant.
dfdfdfdfd
Jessica
-
"because you either fall heavy
or like snowflakes
regardless
it's effortless and graceful;"
i always enjoy reading your poems..
-
very nice loved it
-
it seems you remember them as more than they are - despite the hurt once caused?
or perhaps i read too much into the words.
♥
-
yes.
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
